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Pet Peeve: Celebrity Profiles and SANS FARDS

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I’ve been wondering if it is possible for a writer to profile a famous woman for a magazine without mentioning in the first paragraph that the woman in question is SANS FARDS (without makeup).

The answer: It is not possible.

Here is the first paragraph of Lynn Hirschberg’s profile of model Gigi Hadid, who is on the cover of W’s September issue.

Wgigi2

And here is Christopher Tennant’s lede for InStyle’s September cover story on actress Anne Hathaway.

instyle

Click to enlarge.

Props to Christopher for saying “makeup-free” instead of the more popular phrasing, which is Lynn’s “without a trace of makeup.” “Without a trace of makeup” is the “crisp white shirt” of celebrity profiles. It’s used so often, I believe there’s a function key programmed to spit out that phrase.

My new goal is to someday be an interviewee who is described in the first paragraph as “caked in makeup.”  Just to shake things up, you know?

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Comments

  1. I am hopeful we can one day meet and you can eyeball my caked and streaky end of the day makeup. Maybe after I have removed my contact lenses and the mascara is particularly gross.

    The crisp white shirt, really good vanilla, pristine kitchen towel, gleaming teeth and glossy hair just tick me off.

  2. I’m with you on that goal!

    I also would like, “Her make-up was neither a nod to taste nor an ode to subtlety. She was shellacked and spackled to within an inch of her life, and she knew it and reveled in it. I was hesitant to kiss her cheek, lest my lips become attached through some weird alchemy; however, her eyes twinkled (either from drugs or real merriment, tough call) and she stood out in the crowd of freshly-scrubbed skin like a suit at a grunge concert in the 90s. It was impossible to miss her.”

    This stuff writes itself, Wendy! I tell ya! ;-P

  3. Then right after mentioning the lady celebrity’s radiant natural beauty, the interviewer must mention that she chows down on a big burger and a trough of fries…