Put Lipslut’s Notorious RBG on Your Kisser!

I’m still trying to nail the formula for Wendy Brandes lipstick — yes, that’s a real project, in addition to my jewelry. The trouble is I’m as picky about lipstick as I am about jewelry, and getting a factory to make a large quantity of lip color that meets my standards is even more difficult and expensive than supervising one goldsmith making an intricate ring. And if it’s not something I can commit to wearing every day myself, I’m not going to try to sell it to other people. Therefore, the Wendy Brandes lipstick development has been slow going.

While I’m perfecting my own pout, I do buy the occasional lipstick from elsewhere. And if I find a lipstick brand with a sense of humor that makes political statements while donating to good causes … how can I resist? That’s why I got two new colors from Lipslut. The one called F*ck Trump is a neutral pink. Notorious R.B.G., a tribute to Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, is berry. I tried both on tonight and approve of both colors.

I don’t wear lighter colors very often, but for those rare times, F*ck Trump will be a nice replacement for Kat Von D’s Lolita color, which I don’t regret throwing out even though, last month, Kat took to teh Interwebs to clarify that she’s not a Nazi or an anti-vaxxer. That might be true but, in my opinion, she’s not a manufacturer of great lipstick either, so …

Seriously, though, she did say she wasn’t vaccinating her kid and when people were like, “We’re not going to buy that dry lipstick anymore,” she said, “I have learned my lesson and I am choosing not to make our decision or any of our baby’s health records public.” Um, what? Basically saying “I’m going to do dumb shit on the down-low rather than run my big mouth and ruin my business” still sounds anti-vaccination and public health to me. I feel strongly about this for personal reasons: MrB had polio when he was four, before the vaccine became available, and it physically affects him to this day. He was lucky because many other children and young people died or were permanently disabled from polio before the first vaccine became available in 1955. You know how people freaked out in the 1980s, thinking they were going to catch AIDS from breathing the same air as someone who was infected? That IS how polio spreads, you stupid anti-vaxxer motherfuckers! There hasn’t been a case of polio in the U.S. since 1979, but measles is coming back and polio — which has never been eradicated in Pakistan, Afghanistan (where we still have 14,000 troops, including young people), and Nigeria — could rear its ugly head if we sabotage our own hard-won herd immunity.

That study that “proved” vaccines cause autism? It was a “study” of 12 children done by one doctor who was such a fraud he lost his medical license. But it became a great attention-getting tool for conspiracy theorists, and now the only reason I don’t fear dying in a smallpox epidemic is because I’m pretty sure the raging epidemic of stupidity will kill us all first. If you need a replacement conspiracy theory for autism, I’ll volunteer mine: How about the pollution in our air, water, and everything we eat? Maybe take a look at that! I’m no scientist, but I feel as sure of this as Kat Von D feels about vaccines, and my belief in my own beliefs is enough proof for anything these days, is it not? Koch Industries — the owners of which have bankrolled Republican politicians for years — is one of the top polluters in the world. Do your little Wikipedia/YouTube research on that!

I can hardly believe I got to this rant in a post that started out about lipstick, but it is what it is. Anyway, when you buy a lipstick from Lipslut you get to vote for a charity to receive 50% of the earnings. Don’t worry: There’s no Electoral College involved. Buy something nice for your lips and contribute to a good cause, while I email Lipslut and see if they want to collab on a vaccination-themed color. Maybe that’s how I finally get my lipstick done!

Related reading:

• My Wall Street Journal lipstick story from 1995.
• My Huffington Post lipstick story from 2014.