I enjoyed this piece by the Washington Post’s Pulitzer-Prize-winning fashion critic, Robin Givhan (registration required), though I disagree with the constantly reinforced notion that everyone, “in the boardroom, in politics, in suburban neighborhoods,” is feeling unbearable daily pressure to meet some Hollywood standard of physical perfection.
Barbie is a popular scapegoat. I live in New York. Every day, I see happy people of all shapes, sizes, ages and colors (I said they’re happy, not friendly!), but relatively few human Barbies. Most people I know want to look the best that they can (people have always wanted to look attractive) and some of them will take advantage of all the new ways of achieving this.
But I think that the phenomenon of comparing yourself to a doll, model, actress or the most popular girl in school is most common among pre-teens and teenagers. That was true 25 and 50 years ago too. Hormones make you crazy. That’s why you’re able to spend two hours a day doing your hair for eight years, and 25 years later, if it takes you five minutes, that’s too long. A lot of people grow out of comparing themselves to specific celebrities or models after that self-conscious phase ends. Of course, there ARE people who never grow out of it, but the causes of their psychological issues go far beyond exposure to reality show makeovers and attractive models on billboards.
Yes, this is a picture of me as a teenager. It took me at least an hour to do that hair. I was all Tony Manero about it. I do agree with Givhan’s comments on the hypocrisy of people’s opinions on beauty. Basically, I’m tired of blame-deflecting. It’s accepted that the “media” are guilty of over-emphasizing appearance, but all over teh Interweb, you see regular people unleashing more vicious criticism than any magazine would. I am sure that Vogue, or Star for that matter, has never said someone should “just DIE!!!” for flaunting her chimichanga region in her too-short dress, but people feel free to say it online. And forget getting older in the age of blogs. As Givhan says, “Most people in the public sphere do something, Botox to boot camp, to fend off the effects of time. They are encouraged and expected to take action. If they don’t, they will be judged harshly. But they must take care not to let the effort show — don’t reveal any hairline scars or improbable perkiness. Otherwise, our judgment will be even harsher.” A lot of people speculate about Nicole Kidman’s face, but as far as I know, she’s only been called “Granny Freeze” outside the “mainstream media.”
Nicole Kidman in Margot at the Wedding. She’s very good but writer/director Noah Baumbach’s family issues are seriously disturbing.
I’m also weary of the people who are most savvy about the use of Photoshop screeching that they’re being victimized by big, bad magazines whenever a “before” photo is found. Would they prefer that magazine covers look like they were shot by the DMV? Do we need to go back through old Hollywood movies and eliminate the lighting that made everyone gorgeous? I also detect too much glee in the way the editorials are shocked … SHOCKED!!!! … by the fact that Redbook hid Faith Hill’s wrinkles; everyone has far too much fun pointing out the fact that she has ’em.
My personal philosophies are:
- Do whatever you want with your damn face/hair/body. I’m not saying I’ll like it, but why should you care what I think?
- If you’re going to have surgery for ANY reason, whether it’s for droopy eyelids or lung cancer, find the expert in the field!
Now for good blog reading.
- I love to read about people visiting New York. Welcome to town, Speedo and Valley Girl.
- Confessions of a Bottle Blonde is 100% hilarious, but the Blogging 101 post is particularly brilliant.
- This is just cool.
UPDATED TO ADD: The L.A. Times has a great story on my husband’s new project (registration may be required). Isn’t it annoying how the most outrageously biased people are constantly accusing everyone else of being biased? If you didn’t think Rush Limbaugh was an asshat, his quote should convince you. And I’m not crazy about the jackhole from Slate either. But I think this story makes it perfectly clear that the people funding this project are committed to nonpartisan journalism. My husband would never work with them otherwise!
ALSO: The Wall Street Journal has a whole section on 50 Women to Watch in business, plus a good column by Carol Hymowitz on women helping other women in the work place. I like this paragraph: “The ‘queen bee syndrome’ — the belief that ambitious women strive for the most powerful position in the workplace while excluding all rivals — is outdated, executives say. Equally outdated is the notion that women can’t have both powerful jobs and fulfilling personal lives.” Told ya.
Once again, WendyB, I find reading your posts mesmirizing. You’re the only blog I visit regularly that isn’t a daily photo blog. Like I said before, I’m so glad you found my blog which led me to yours. Reading yours (Iinks and comments included) satisfies most all of my cravings for mental stimulation–the range of topics I’d compare to a delightful smorgasbord.
That’s very kind of you, Lynette. I’ve enjoyed your blog and really appreciate the introduction to all the daily photo blogs. It’s a whole world I didn’t know about!
I agree that girls have always compared themselves with others…and it drives me CRAZY when my friends do so. I get tired of girls not accepting their bodies, not that I’m perfect, but I’m not all Nazi about it. Yeah, often times the media is a scapegoat…
so you design jewelry huh? I love earrings TO DEATH!
Ashley, you are my kind of gal. Check out my collection here:
http://www.gigicaron.com
Thanks, WendyB. And I agree with you about Flat Stanley and the stormtroopers. I’m still amazed that we lucked out.
I agree, that’s why junior high school and high school were torture for me. Girls are especially vicious during those years. And I pretty much agree with everything else. I took a media class a year ago, and it annoyed me how many things the professor blamed on the media. If i see an ad for sprite about a million times on tv, i can still choose to not go out and buy one. We shouldn’t use the media as a scapegoat for all the problems in our society.
i agree, on daily gossip pages all over the internet there is so much harsh critism from people just like us, that i don’t think i’ve ever read in a magazine or seen on television.
But then again i guess that the media is aware of our judgement and just feeds us what we want to see or read in a much watered down version.
And yet, it annoys me sometimes, seeing people mocked because they’ve got a few facial lines at thirty-three. I remember some tabloid calling Kate Moss’s knees ‘unforgivable’ and saying she was getting old (33? old? Heaven help me.). Real-life people might not be half as bitchy if they didn’t have cues like those to pick up off the trashier media- even if they don’t read the actual tabloids themselves. The actual mainstream media doesn’t help much either, seeing girls younger than me who’ve had the shit airbrushed out of them and are then touted as naturally gorgeous, ‘naturally’ thinner than you think, blah blah, isn’t a good thing for anyone. You may choose whether you want to go out and buy that Sprite, but it’s hard work not to feel like what the cat brought in if enough people tell you, or imply, that you look like it.
On the upside, the teenage you looks darling! Fabulous skin…
This is what I love about the French, they are accepting of what makes them different and would never all try to look like one standard of beauty. It is so much more interesting to have a multiplicity of beauties rather than one ideal. I have to say, Botox is great…but I think when one can’t move their face any longer it is time to take a Botox time-out. In all things, except shoes, moderation is key.
I have a longer comment that I am thinking about right now, but yes, I agree with you on this, and “blame deflecting” is a phenomenon that needs to be addressed…
I think Dallas beats all major US cities in the number of living Barbies walking about. It’s weird there.
I too simply want to be a pretty girl but I think I’d rather be a little wrinkled than stick needles in my face.
PS – Thanks for your kind comments on my blog.
I think Dallas beats all major US cities in the number of living Barbies walking about. It’s weird there.
I too simply want to be a pretty girl but I think I’d rather be a little wrinkled than stick needles in my face.
PS – Thanks for your kind comments on my blog.
I think Dallas beats all major US cities in the number of living Barbies walking about. It’s weird there.
I too simply want to be a pretty girl but I think I’d rather be a little wrinkled than stick needles in my face.
PS – Thanks for your kind comments on my blog.
I have to agree 100% (well maybe 99%) on all this. When you’re a teen it’s “OMG I must be cute/edgy/punky/trendy” depending on your thing. Then one day you’re all “Screw that, I want to leave the house in less than three days, thanks!”. Part of it is just learning who you are and what you truly like as opposed to what the media is telling you you’re supposed to like. I get sick of seeing celebrities who’re just dressed by stylists and make up artists and who don’t have an ounce of personal style otherwise. I think it’s much more interesting to see someone a little “out there” who at least tries out their own thing. I’m still a vintage store whore. I refuse to wear a freaking smock top just because that’s all the stores are selling. They make me look six months pregnant. Ick. No.
On the PhotoShop thing, I agree and I don’t. Covers need to be eye-catching and a flawless, perfect specimen does that better than someone with a few bumps and lines. However, it’s the double-edged sword of young girls thinking “I do not look like that” and getting paranoid about the fact they don’t have blotch free skin or smooth contours. It’s demoralizing. When you’re older and hit that mid-twenties early thirties time you’re all “Screw it, it’s all airbrushing!” and you move on. But I think a median can be reached. Sure “freshen” someone up a little but don’t completely distort them from all reality. I cite the recent Britney shoot in Allure. That didn’t even LOOK like her on the cover. That was almost unrecognizable from the real thing. That’s going way too far. Yet I sort of understand why it’s done too. No one wants to stare at a spotty skank after all.
Gosh I rambled, sorry! 🙂
I have to agree 100% (well maybe 99%) on all this. When you’re a teen it’s “OMG I must be cute/edgy/punky/trendy” depending on your thing. Then one day you’re all “Screw that, I want to leave the house in less than three days, thanks!”. Part of it is just learning who you are and what you truly like as opposed to what the media is telling you you’re supposed to like. I get sick of seeing celebrities who’re just dressed by stylists and make up artists and who don’t have an ounce of personal style otherwise. I think it’s much more interesting to see someone a little “out there” who at least tries out their own thing. I’m still a vintage store whore. I refuse to wear a freaking smock top just because that’s all the stores are selling. They make me look six months pregnant. Ick. No.
On the PhotoShop thing, I agree and I don’t. Covers need to be eye-catching and a flawless, perfect specimen does that better than someone with a few bumps and lines. However, it’s the double-edged sword of young girls thinking “I do not look like that” and getting paranoid about the fact they don’t have blotch free skin or smooth contours. It’s demoralizing. When you’re older and hit that mid-twenties early thirties time you’re all “Screw it, it’s all airbrushing!” and you move on. But I think a median can be reached. Sure “freshen” someone up a little but don’t completely distort them from all reality. I cite the recent Britney shoot in Allure. That didn’t even LOOK like her on the cover. That was almost unrecognizable from the real thing. That’s going way too far. Yet I sort of understand why it’s done too. No one wants to stare at a spotty skank after all.
Gosh I rambled, sorry! 🙂
I have to agree 100% (well maybe 99%) on all this. When you’re a teen it’s “OMG I must be cute/edgy/punky/trendy” depending on your thing. Then one day you’re all “Screw that, I want to leave the house in less than three days, thanks!”. Part of it is just learning who you are and what you truly like as opposed to what the media is telling you you’re supposed to like. I get sick of seeing celebrities who’re just dressed by stylists and make up artists and who don’t have an ounce of personal style otherwise. I think it’s much more interesting to see someone a little “out there” who at least tries out their own thing. I’m still a vintage store whore. I refuse to wear a freaking smock top just because that’s all the stores are selling. They make me look six months pregnant. Ick. No.
On the PhotoShop thing, I agree and I don’t. Covers need to be eye-catching and a flawless, perfect specimen does that better than someone with a few bumps and lines. However, it’s the double-edged sword of young girls thinking “I do not look like that” and getting paranoid about the fact they don’t have blotch free skin or smooth contours. It’s demoralizing. When you’re older and hit that mid-twenties early thirties time you’re all “Screw it, it’s all airbrushing!” and you move on. But I think a median can be reached. Sure “freshen” someone up a little but don’t completely distort them from all reality. I cite the recent Britney shoot in Allure. That didn’t even LOOK like her on the cover. That was almost unrecognizable from the real thing. That’s going way too far. Yet I sort of understand why it’s done too. No one wants to stare at a spotty skank after all.
Gosh I rambled, sorry! 🙂
Hey, thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog.
I loved this post, by the way, and wish more people felt the way you do.
Guv’ner,I agree. The magazines themselves look better when they use photoshop with more moderation (just like Botox should be used with moderation, LBR…i agree, but jewelry should be purchased without moderation as well as shoes). It makes the cover look crappy if there’s plainly a head stuck onto a random body or if someone’s famous features are distorted (a long time ago, someone fixed the gap in Madonna’s teeth). Separately, to continue my thoughts on blame-deflecting, I’d like to assure the younger peeps that people were perfectly capable of being vicious long before the Internet and photoshop existed, even if they had no exposure to Vogue. In fact, at the trashy high school I went to, my sister, the gorgeous Terri Berry, got a lot of abuse for an unusual reason: she was so much prettier than the rest of them. A few ugly locals joined together to write her a piece of very traumatic hate mail. That still goes on…but nowadays no one would bother to put it on a piece of paper and put a stamp on it. It’s so much easier to do it on MySpace.
Haha I totally agree! I don’t get the point why he is even in the movie. He is supose to be a photographer?? But all I find em is annoying, sometimes, SOMEtimes a bit funne :P.
Hi Wendy, thanks for you comment on my blog about my misfortunes (stolen purse:),I’ll be back here and have a closer look at your art soon! Nice to meet you!
Makes me wanna go out and shoot NEW YORK!
To hell with Paris!
your earrings are beautiful! I love unique designs…not that I could afford any now (such is the life of a student) but one day, possibly. 🙂
Wendy
There is an article on ProPublica in today’s (Monday) LA Times. It’s on the front of the Business section.
Leah
“I live in New York. Every day, I see happy people of all shapes, sizes, ages and colors (I said they’re happy, not friendly!)…”
After living in NYC for most of my life I still get the How?! and Why?! it is I continue to do so from friends, and, of course, family. I usually say because I am in love with everything that is NYC. Your words above made me laugh because they’re true. “I said they’re happy, not friendly!”🙂
For Wendy B.: I’ve posted less disturbing images from Esko Mannikko…who is Finnish and all that goes along with being Finnish. “In their warm eyes looking at us there seems to be something they would like to tell us.” – Claes Nordenhake on this series of work. The first time I saw these I felt (for some reason) a kind of clarity…things came into focus. That, of course, was then!
-PP
I loove the Nicole pic, she looks pretty bohemian chic in that…
We can’t be perfect and we are all different, but still we are making comparisons of ourselves with some skinny barbie girls… That’s just stupid!
I thank you for visiting my blog recently. You’ve got something good going on here I see.
I try to avoid the assault of good-looking people by the media most times. Women get pressure for sure, but now us guys get it too. The perfect abs, tan, worked-out bod…EEK! I’m not ugly by any means, and yet they try to make me feel that way, when I can’t measure up.
I gotta be happy just being me, and it has gotten easier as I get older.
Wendy, another thought provoking post that raises the consciousness flag. I agree for the most part and think that hormones have an enormous amount of influence on everyday life. Now that crazy hormone-driven teens have a platform (internet) for their anger, it makes this attitude a lot more pervasive and acceptable, unfortunately. It’s one thing for gorgeous Terri to be attacked locally for her loveliness; it’s that attitude that can now effect the random girl on myspace, who goes to school 3000 miles away. Anyhow, you had a lot to address, but that’s where my opinion lies (and the extent of my articulation–man, I’m tired!)
Woah, AMAZING hair cut, you look like the type of punk girls I aspire to be when I was a teen. I completely agree with you that nasty people have always existed, but I do feel a certain section type of media (esp. the tabloids) do like to encourage this tendency within people.
Hi Wendy
You look completely differant !Still very cute though!!
About accepting our bodies,I am always glad that the only thing I can complain about is my tummy,I figure it could have been something else far worse!!!
oh my god… that is the cutest pic of you!!!!
Really, that may be the best high school pic I’ve seen. I decided to have a mohawk, but it didn’t spike, so it ended up being quite possibly the most ridiculous thing in the history of hair.
And the average woman’s body issues makes me sad. I remember taking a girlfriend to some art museum, through the Roman sculpture section, and she said something like, “If I was just around then, I’d have the right type of body.” That was kind of sad, but on the upside, it meant an attractive woman had low enough self-confidence to date me. You can see how I’m torn here.
PAD, are you telling me your hair was flaccid? You couldn’t get it up? Don’t worry, it happens to everyone at some point!
I adore ur blog Wendy! I’m thrilled to have become a regular reader.
I agree 100% with ur celebrity/media beauty issue. Its true that the majority of women (and men too nowadays!) are more obsessed about their looks at a younger age.
My parents were teens in the 70’s and they said everyone tried to copy the hairdos of Hollywood stars (men and women). So i guess history repeats itself. Its just that today, stars are more accesible thru the internet, mags and TV channels like E!.
From being teens and up to ur late 20’s early 30’s its a “finding urself phase”, which is why we experiment a lot and then stick to what looks best on us (or so we think!)
Thanks for visiting Wendy! Great post–I look forward to reading more! 🙂
Almost all of my adult female friends don’t like their bodies – i.e. they want to change some aspect to conform to Barbie. That crosses ages groups (20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s).
I find wardrobe_remix on flickr to be really interesting – many MANY women (and a few men) of various shapes and fashion styles flaunt their stuff. Why depend on models and mannequins for fashion inspiration? Real people should inspire each other.
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog!
What an interesting, insightful post. I’ve really enjoyed stretching my brain this morning 🙂 I don’t know about queen bees being dead though – I know one that’s still very much alive and stinging.
I’m with Lynette, your posts are allways interesting!
You know yer HOT when you can rock an 80’s ‘do like that and still look great!
And THANK YOU for the great shout out, WendyB! 😉
Wow I really like what your husband is doing now. SO cool!
I’m becoming addicted to your blog btw. You routinely crack me up and I need that some days!
Thank you Bejeweled, Caroline, BB and Kian!
Love the Tony Manero haircut ;D