Wendy Brandes Jewelry Blog

Never Is the Next New Thing

Safety Lessons From Uncle Sam

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Happy 4th of July to my U.S. readers! I know I spend way too much time thinking about fashion because Uncle Sam’s outfit reminds me of Viktor & Rolf’s Fall/Winter 2000/2001 collection instead of vice versa.

Click for source.

A doll wearing Viktor & Rolf's stars-and-stripes outfit. Click for source.

I also know I spend too much time watching Law & Order reruns because Uncle Sam makes me think of Sam Waterston’s eyebrows. I’m still devastated by the cancellation of Sam Waterston’s show, Law & Order. I keep envisioning the eyebrows standing on the unemployment line. Sad! But Law & Order didn’t air in vain. I’m going to share two important safety tips I’ve learned after years of watching the show.

  • If you knock on someone’s door and the unlocked door opens a tiny bit, there’s a dead body on the premises. Run away and call 911.
  • If you knock on someone’s door to return a child who slept over at your house/casserole dish/other item, and the woman of the house encourages you to keep the child/dish/other item while making weird hand gestures and looking like a hot mess, there are murderers on the premises. Run away and call 911.

Here’s a bonus tip:

  • If you are walking down a dark alley and hear ominous background music, there is a murderer behind you. Blow your “rape whistle,” run away and call 911.

Feel free to leave your own crime-show tips in the comments, and have a fun and murder-free holiday!

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Comments

  2. I remember someone telling me that in these Law & Order shows (like SVU), it’s usually the second person they ask that’s the perp. So apparently: if you’re a cop and asking questions, it’s always the second one you ask. No matter if they’re innocent or not, they’re the one.

    Enter my Thai Jewelry Giveaway!

  7. Law and Order and Lifetime movies have made me especially paranoid of…well, everything! Hope you have a happy holiday and stay safe!

  8. I wonder if Waterston’s eyebrows reported to the unemployment office separately if they’d receive two sets of benefits instead of one?

  9. I didn’t know any of these things. Amazing jewellery, fashion advice and safety information – what more could you want from a blog?