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When Kids Ask Those Awkward Questions

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If your child asks,  “If drugs are so bad for me, why did you do them when you were a teenager?” I suggest you answer, “Because I wasn’t sure they led to stupid children till now.”

WendyB:  Answering idiotic questions with brutal honesty since forever.

UPDATED: I didn’t include the Rachel Leigh Cook anti-drug ad originally because it’s about heroin. I didn’t want drug-using teenage asshats to see it and think, “Hey, I don’t use heroin. Therefore I’m not an asshat.” I assure you that you don’t have to be a junkie to be an asshat. ANY QUESTIONS?

If I really want to scare people straight, I should put up a video of my almost-husband Paul McCartney doing any interview in the past decade.  After you cringe through one of those, you’ll want to step away from the bong forever. Also … Heather Mills. Would a non-drug user have married her? I think not!

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Comments

  1. Or you could just do what my parent’s do, and be so liberal and accepting that I get bored of trying to get them to say no. It works! I’m not pierced in strange places, I’m not pregnant, I don’t have any STDs, and I am waiting till I am sixteen and my dad will sign for me to get a tattoo.

  5. Ashe, almost used that one but it’s about heroin, and the dumbest kids I know seem to stick to pot and prescription pills. I figured if I went with heroin, any dumbass readers would think, “Well, I’m not a junkie, so I’m okay.” But, seriously, I never realized that pot could be so brain-damaging until recently though obviously I had my suspicions due to Paul McCartney: http://wendybrandes.com/blog/2009/01/fightin-walrus/

  9. brutal honesty! just the way i like it! too bad i didn’t do drugs so i can’t do that amazing retort! think something up for me re: having sex before marriage please!

  12. Gotta love the brutal honesty. Not everyone is able.

    PS I was saving that little tid bit about Lana’s daughter and the whole murder controversy for a later post. Way to spoil the ending, missy. 😉

    Thanks for visiting. Killer jewelry, mama.

  18. Hahaha hilarious!

    My mom was a scary Asian dragon lady mom when my brother and I were growing up. I guess it’s proven effective because not only did we never touch drugs, we eat our vegetables.

  22. WendyB, you never fail to amuse. children needn’t be coddled, I love this answer. Though the therapy may end up costing the same amount as rehab…

  30. This is really the part I fear most about becoming a Mom. Hah! And I second Ashe’s love of the Rachel Leigh Cook crazy drugs on heroin PSA. 🙂

  31. omg I remember those commercials from my youth,and my parents would stare menacingly at me while they played….for some reason they though I was going to be a huge pothead…for some reason….

  32. PS, as soon as I save up enough cash money (broke grad student here) I am BUYING a lot of your jewels, bc Im’ obsessssssed!

  34. Great! At school, we were shown a video of someone injecting themself with what they thought was a drug, but turned out to be a household cleaning powder. That was enough to put me off forever.

  37. One reason Miss J never wanted kids… she didn’t want to have to answer any questions about her rampant teenage drug use. The best she could come up with was, “Well, son, it was a different time. We didn’t KNOW drugs were bad for us.” Seems very much like a lie.

  39. True dat. This isn’t too far from my parents’ method, which was something like “Uh, yeah, we did drugs. We did lots of drugs. Wanna hear about the effed up shiz that stemmed from drugs? Let me tell you about a time I got set on fire…”

  40. What I want to know is why do these kids know their parents did drugs? If I were a parent, my awesome LSD trip would be the last thing I’d tell my kids.

  41. Hilarious post honey! Love love love! Lol you had me in stitches from the first paragraph. The answer to that age old kiddie question is BRILLIANT!!
    love!
    xx
    marian

    p.s super excited that my anti-spam word is “wendyb”! how fab?!

  44. My daughter won’t get away with anything should she try because I’ve seen it all. I don’t mean I’ve done it all! But I’ve seen it, I know what kids’ faces look like on every kind of drug. Having a brother who’s a DJ and being into the house/techno scene when I was younger has given me the power to know that when you’re chewing your face off it’s not because your inner cheeks are just that delicious.

    Good advice, I’m putting that one in the back pocket for when that truly retched time comes.

  49. I don’t have kids, but I did try them, for the exception of the “blunt” the others scared the crap out of me, did not like the feel/want/need after trying…I was 20 then…

    I asked the same question to my parents and their response was “Times are different now”.. what’s that supposed to mean.. huh?