This video reminds me of the Ghostbusters line: “Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!” Except this time there’s a side of Chicken McNuggets.
Thanks for Cute Overload for this one. And thanks to the New York Times for some not-cute-at-all moments. They should have renamed this Sunday’s Styles section the “Boys Who Will Need Serious Psychotherapy Sooner Rather Than Later” section. Cringe at the following:
- Simon Woods, the six-year-old who can’t join a baseball team because his greenorexic mother refuses to raise the family’s carbon footprint by driving him to games;
- Jonathan, writer Christopher Buckley’s unwanted, out-of-wedlock son;
- Sarvis, the nine-year-old son of embarrassing and possibly incestuous Kate Krautkramer. Kate is ready to cut whichever little girl dared to write “I heart Sarvis” in a bathroom stall because NO ONE CAN LOVE HER SON AS MUCH AS SHE DOES, BITCH!!!! Yeah, I think I read this book before. (UPDATED TO NOTE: I thought this essay was a joke at first but the fact that it wasn’t at all funny convinced me otherwise.)
UPDATED AGAIN TO ADD: I would totally love to take credit for “greenorexic” but sadly, LBR, I didn’t make it up. I must say I have been meeting more and more people with greenorexic tendencies, and I fear it will catch up with orthorexia in popularity. I really think when you’re not able to live a normal life anymore, it doesn’t matter if you’re telling yourself that you’re doing it for good health or to save the planet — those of us who are in touch with reality are going to see through to the craziness that’s really driving you. Speaking of insanity, I have to share this comment from a friend who emailed me after she read this post:
“I’ve came across many crazies (of various degrees) in Vermont. Only one couple lived in isolation, with an outdoor toilet, their own food, buying nothing etc. He used to be Nixon’s speechwriter and sometime concert pianist, she was a writer. He ended up going into the woods to die (with letters, goodbyes etc). They found him frozen one morning.”
Is it bad that the “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer” skit from Saturday Night Live sprang immediately to my mind?
“The dead rising from the grave!!!”
hee hee. That’s one of the best parts of the movie.
I read that article about the “greenorexics” and I definitely think that his mother should let him join the team! Your son isn’t going to be an amazing “green” engineer or whatever without going to a good college, and you can’t get into a good college without extracurriculars! He should get exercise! I think driving him is a small sacrifice to make for his health. I understand that she wants to help the earth but please let the poor boy join his baseball team! This is probably the strongest opinion I’ve ever voiced on the internet because I don’t want to say something dumb and never have it go away, but seriously!
Comment moderation has been enabled?! Will it make my comments more moderate?
The Simon Woods story has been bugging me, too.
Honestly, it is more than a little late for any woman who has had that many kids to start worrying about her family’s carbon footprint. It’s not fair for her to punish her kid just because she didn’t want to use birth control. And, whatever happened to carpooling?
Someone ought to tell this mutha that her kid doesn’t want to play ball with his mom!
Mental! I needed that chick flick just to counteract all the wackiness in those headlines.
Yeah, I started to read that Sarvis article and it totally creeped me out. Mom’s the one who needs the psychotherapy, methinks.
It’s such a great video… but please don’t call them McNuggets.
No chicken deserves that!
; )
Luv
Poochie
I am both enjoying the reads you linked to in the “boys who will need serious psychotherapy” section of the NY Times and appropriately horrified.
I wonder if Jonathan’s grandfather ever played with him. That alone might be so traumatic that it would require one to begin intensive therapy.
LOL @ greenorexic!! I have never heard that term before. Is it yours?? I love it. But, Simon will not. Poor Simon, Jonathan and Sarvis.
Oh my God, I just read that Sarvis story and it is completely disturbing. Especially when she calls his hair “heart stopping” and wants to use the bathroom door as a shrine for how much she loves her son.
I feel bad that Simon Woods doesn’t get to play a sport, but I think its excellent that his parents are raising him to be so aware of environmental concerns. Obviously these lifestyles are extreme but they raise consciousness about the issues and inspire people to reduce their own consumption.
Sorry for writing a novel.
I’ve never seen so much cute in such a short space of time – my mind will be set to awww! for the rest of the day.
But seriously, Sarvis’ mother is a weirdo. Imagine having her as a mother-in-law…
Oh my GOD, Wendy, this Sarvis story is ruining my fucking life. If I were one of the little girls in Sarvis’ class, being interrogated by his cuuuhhrazy mom, I’d have to say, “If you love him so much, why don’t you marry him??” and then, “Oh. Eewwww!”
What kind of a name is Sarvis anyway?
That lady sounds nuts.
k, so the video was totally cute, other stories…not so cute at all. people are really just plain odd sometimes.
PICK YOUR BATTLES PEOPLE! carbon prints…grumble grumble
Sarvis’ mom needs to chill out. She’s scary. I’m not a mom but, gee, even I know that kind of idolatry is wrong. And you’re right, the essay–if it was meant to be funny–just wasn’t. It was plain creepy!
Uh…what the hell is going on?
At first I thought that video was the pet store Banksy set up in NY.
I can’t relate myself to any of this stories… probably that is because I don’t live in the US, haha.
Not driving to baseball games? What about the carbon footprint of shame she’s leaving on her son’s soul? Also, the spectre of Communism.
Oh Hell no, not my cat. That shit would be dead. Cute dog.
How can a mum tell her son shes not driving him to baseball games? Too lazy and can’t be bothered,I reckon.
Bloody hell I would like to just say to this woman with six year old kid.. live a little!
I just read throught your links, and are those people for real? Jesus, those poor kids. And shame on the Times for glorifying those nutters.
Why doesn’t the greenorexic see if someone is willing to carpool her poor kid instead of simply saying “tough carbon luck, kid”?
no way is that cat just sitting there with the little baby chickens! i want to project this on a wall at home for my cats! which just may make me almost as crazy as Jarvis’ mommy but nowhere near as creepy.
Sarvis’ mama is quite mad. That kid has his work cut out for him, and God help his future wife.
The “I Love Sarvis” essay was crazy. I thought it was a joke at first too, but it seems too unaware to be a satire. My sympathies go out to that poor child.
AppleV, it might be my very favorite part now. That movie didn’t hold up too well for some reason. I watched it again recently and was like, “This isn’t as good as I remembered.”
KD, yeah, there are definitely other options she’s not considering. And good for you for being careful on the Internet. My life is pretty much ruined thanks to this blog, I’m guessing.
Gamutrice, comment moderation will never be able to keep up with you. And I thought the same thing about her numerous spawn.
ENC, I was being thoughtful that way, wasn’t I?
DP, it might be too late for her.
Princess Poochie, apologies to your rooster!
LBR, see the post, which I’ve updated.
Isabel, now that you mention it, that use of “heart stopping” IS heart stopping, but not in a good way.
MissK, I think Sarvis will never get married, he’ll be a perma-bachelor living with mom and doing her bidding.
DLB, Sarvis’s mom is going to find a country where that is legal, don’t you worry!
Skye, yep!
Princess, so many “green” activities are pure BS.
Frances, yeah, I really thought it was a joke at first but the funny, self-aware part never came.
TSB, I totally think that Banksy thing is hilarious. And it makes me hungry.
Aisha, no one from this PLANET can relate to those stories.
PAD, damn Reds!
Grace, so we won’t be getting a video from you?
Sharon Rose, there’s always underlying motivations.
Songy, it freaks me out when people have a “cause” that prevents them from interacting with most of society.
Maiden, I was wondering if anyone even realized how much insanity was contained in that one day’s paper.
Catharine, good question!
Fashion Herald, I want to come over for the cat movie night.
CDP, I would seriously fear for the health and well-being of any potential romantic interests.
Muriel, exactly — unaware is the word for it.
I’ve heard about greenorexia … or something along those lines … I personally think it’s crazy how 🙂
When I first began to read all of the stories …I thought they were for laughs but then I realize it’s not .. that’s frightening.
P.S. as for the video … awww
i start every morning with cuteoverload, seriously
Sharon Astyk, Simon Wood’s mom, says of the Times article: “I’m assuming that the next step in the McCain campaign will be to take up the cause of my son’s baseball deprivation (which is actually because we are Jewish and don’t do Saturday little league – there’s a baseball field 5 miles from my house, but they have Saturday games) and the way Obama’s carbon plan will deprive all cute six year olds of baseball ;-P.” I hate not getting all of the story in the article but I maintain Sarvis is going to need serious help dealing with his psycho mamma. 😛
^^She’s still nuts for unplugging her fridge and making her kids sleep together for warmth. I mean, please.
I am hoping that Sarvis’s mom is joking, because if it were true, and if she seriously meant every word of it, the world would be proven to be so much scarier.