This isn’t the first time that a thirtysomething (or older), attractive, stylish, successful, single-and-looking, fictional female has terrified people with the notion that not every woman is mating and mothering according to social expectations. Some of you SATC fans might not remember the show Ally McBeal, which started airing in 1997, just a year before SATC. The show didn’t have the lasting impact of SATC, but for a while, it was notorious indeed, not just for miniskirted star Calista Flockhart’s increasingly twig-like physique but for reactions like Time Magazine’s 1998 cover story, which showed Flockhart’s face over the caption: “Is Feminism Dead?”
The very notion that a fictional character can somehow set the women’s movement back decades is sexist itself and condescending in the extreme. The attitude is, “We’re just concerned about YOU, dearies” with the implication that women can’t tell fact from fiction. Why does every modern, urban, single woman on TV or in film have to be a mistake-proof role model? The concept of the “model minority” character annoys me in other cases as well. A (black) friend recently told me that she thought Flava Flav set black people back decades. WTF? First of all, most of the world doesn’t know who he is. Secondly, it’s flat-out ridiculous that any individual can single-handedly roll back the progress of the last century; only already-prejudiced and uneducated people believe that an individual represents an entire race, nationality, religion or gender. No one in a free society should have to organize his or her life — or even TV show — around the insecurities of the bigoted. If you can make a good living wearing Viking helmets and big clocks, I fail to see how that hurts anyone else.
Yeah, he’s an idiot, but so what?
After all, white men can take credit for Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson and both George Bushes, but no one says those fellows set white men back centuries. As far as the entertainment world goes, white guys have played the wife-threatening Ralph Kramden and the idiotic Three Stooges. Groucho Marx created a lecherous but somehow adorable persona. In this decade, Hollywood exalts the undeserving and inept slob with the much more attractive female partner (it’s always best to write from your own experience, right, boys?). Everybody Loves Raymond and The King of Queens have thankfully ended their television runs, but According to Jim still sullies the airwaves (interestingly, the show’s own website calls the character an “Everyman” and points out his “boyish bravado” aka immaturity). In the movies, Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen have created an oeuvre devoted to the doofus who is either single-mindedly looking for sex or trying to get out of the consequences of having had sex. How are any of these characters less self-involved than the SATC ladies? Oh wait! It doesn’t matter. Only women have to be selfless mommies; men are allowed to be stubborn, macho AND charming.
According to Jim
Men are also allowed to be unattractive. They don’t even have to TRY to look decent with whatever is within their control. It’s okay to have a beer gut, a bad shave and a smelly t-shirt. But God forbid a woman combines a less-than-Barbie-like appearance with a less-than-Mother-Teresa-like personality and is still portrayed as desirable. (It’s okay to be uglified if you have a heart of gold and don’t have too much sex.) I’m truly tired of the abuse heaped on Sarah Jessica Parker for her face. She was born with that face! I think it’s great that she became successful without remaking her nose, shaving her chin down and getting cheek implants. Charisma, personal style, talent and (even if you disagree with talent) great taste in choosing projects go a long way towards making someone lovely.
The late Isabella Blow was fashionably fabulous without being “pretty”
Interestingly, Parker first came to TV viewers’ attention playing the nerd with a heart of gold on the 1982 show Square Pegs. That’s the Ugly Betty syndrome. The non-Barbie is acceptable as long as she knows her place. Just don’t let her become a big star with an amazing wardrobe. Now she’s stepped out of bounds! How dare she get above herself!
Incidentally, I did see SATC The Movie last night because MrB wanted to. There were plenty of other men in the audience, despite the many stories I read about how no man would be caught dead in an SATC theater. I didn’t think the movie compared to the TV series at all. In my opinion, the writing was labored, the product placement was terribly heavy-handed, there were many scenes that went nowhere and everyone seemed to be trying too hard to live up to what they had created. On the other hand, there were some genuinely emotional moments and the four women had the excellent on-screen chemistry they always had. I think it was that chemistry that made the show such a success in the first place and I totally enjoyed it in the movie.
On a totally different note, the guy who complains about his psychologist’s cleavage in this story about how SATC has turned women into fashion sluts obviously has mommy issues. I’m sorry you weren’t breastfed, dude. Now get over it!
UPDATED TO ADD: Midwestgrrl has a good post that puts the same thing a different way. Pat Field says men are just jealous it’s not all about them for a change.
Oh, Thank God you brought up the “According to Jim” syndrome. That bullshit always stuck in my craw.
I am a very undomesticated woman and I have a very fun/happy/fulfilling life.
Maybe more like an undomesticated girl…
Hear hear Wendy B!
whew! great post! i was nodding along all the way! trying to think of something intelligent to add! but you’ve covered it all! okay i’ll stop exclaiming now, but seriously, i 100% agree with you, especially on the SJP bashing. how hypocritical are the media???
Amen, Sistah! Kxo
“only already-prejudiced and uneducated people believe that an individual represents an entire race, nationality, religion or gender”..
So true.. SO SO true..
Brilliantly put WendyB 🙂
Bravo!!! Well said. I saw the movie and really enjoyed from beginning to end. I am not much of a crier, except for recently, but this movie touched me several times.
I agree…we should be able to look, act, feel…what ever the hell we want. And being an individual is exactly what feminism was suppose to be about. Allowing women to have options…what ever that looks like for each individual.
Well said. Love, the Man.
i find it ridiculous that even in our day and age we’re being faced with the notion that women are mean’t to be the perfect domestic partners whilst men are seen as breadwinners. That’s why According to Jim always got on my nerves a bit, not because she was the perfect housewife with an always rosey smile and he was just plain childish.
Great post!! 🙂
oh and SJP was so cute in those Square Peg photos…ive never seen it before 🙂
Nicely put, Wendy. And on a completely different subject: your black jacket in the San Diego zoo photos is simply gorgeous. Is it part of your amazing vintage stash?
Wendy, I’ve linked to your blog and your jewelry in this post: http://stylechile.blogspot.com/2008/06/dress-for-less-little-white-dress.html
Sex and the city gives me inspiration for when I get older, even if I’m not single. Doesn’t mean I can be stylish and free!
I’m with Jon Stewart, According to Jim is hurting America. seriously I’m glad you posted about this, I’ve been really irked by the reviews/coverage of the film. Lots of men love the show, people who didn’t watch the show probably wouldn’t get the movie. I haven’t seen it yet, partly because I just thought they should have left well enough alone and partly because the hype was a little too much for me. Your comments about (blank) setting back (blanks) was right on target!
You kick a**, WendyB.
great post!
I always wonder why it’s okay to suggest that the average looking guy can win beautiful women as long as he is funny or good-hearted. Where are couples composed of an average looking funny lady and a total hunk?
I actually do think Ray Romano is kind of cute.
You’re fabulous, Wendy! (I saw SATC last night – cried and laughed so hard that my contact lens popped out.)
i went to watch the movie the other day and i can’t form an opinion on it yet. i have such mixed feelings!! i cried a little, laughed a little, i loved it and yet i hated it….
preach it!
Thanks for this post. There are so many things inside I’m also thinking about.
I understand your critics and I’m happy about the good things you tell about Sarah Jessica Parker and the film.
Very good entry.
I totally agree the girls chemistry made the film, too. A very thought provoking post, as usual Wendy!
i really enjoyed reading this. great post wendy! and thank god i’m not he only one who can’t stand “according to jim”.
Well said!
PS: i think SJP is really charismatic. That other lady, i finally remembered the name, Cynthia Nixon, is scary. First of all, she hasn’t got even a tiniest, slightest bit of charisma, so anything she’s up to in the movie is not believable. Sorry for the controversial opinion again. ;))
lovely post. i always love your insight.
feminist/feminine issues are such a double edged sword.
Brava WendyB! Well said. Miss J and her BFF tried to see it this weekend but couldn’t. It was SOLD OUT! Yay for the ladies!
For the record, Miss Janey finds SJP talented and beautiful and very stylish. Part of her beauty is that she hasn’t hacked her face to pieces trying to look like a Barbie. She looks like herself and no one else. That’s another reason Miss J loves her.
Really interesting post! I’ve always had a hard time figuring out how to think about this show, since it seems as though there is always some debate about it in regards to a Feminist perspective. I’ve never thought it set anything back, it’s certainly not perfect, but it does (like many other things) set the table for interesting discussions that ought to be talked about!
Here here! I’m so sick of the role-model criticism it is threatening to make me even more of a misanthrope than I already am! Maybe instead of casting our eyes across the media landscape for our influences we should take a little personal responsibility and, gasp, visual literacy education.
I’m going to see it and, if necessary, I’m going to cheer.
While I am no fan of the show, it has struck me as *extremely* sexist (and that is not a word I use lightly) the kind of vitriol that gets spewed towards it and the actresses starring on it. You certainly don’t see ‘Entourage’, a show just as shallow & filled with characters going through the same type of pratfalls, being subjected to this kind of thing. It really bothers me and *thank you* for saying everything I’ve been thinking.
You are so right in so many ways.
Oh my, you’ve posted a truly hideous photo of SJP. She is one of my longtime pet peeves.
I took the cover of Vogue and performed surgery on her face with a pen. She was a knock-out after I fixed her chin, nose and mole.
Excellent rant, though.
Whew Whooo!!! Thank you!
It makes me so upset that they criticize the show in such a manner. It’s ok not to like it but goodness.
Great rant, will link 😉
Just mentioning “According to Jim” makes anything seem brilliant in comparison. How about effing “Home Improvement?” That show set me back from watching TV for decades.
What a great post!!
I will agree that I thought the SATC movie was lacking something. It wasn’t as spunky as usual.
Ambika, thanks for bringing up Entourage. Great example of shallow men obsessed with sex, drugs and their careers, yet somehow those men don’t set “all men” back centuries. Pistols might, though. If he really tries.
Oh, Miss Canvendish, that jacket is not vintage, it’s new. And if I ever manage to get the kind of photo I want of it, I will post on it. I got it last week and was all doubtful about keeping it, but luckily I did because I’ve worn it every day since!
I agree, well said! You are a wonderful writer, especially when you are pissed!!!
I am totally in awe of this compound sentence, WendyB: After all, white men can take credit for Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson and both George Bushes, and no one says they’ve set white men back centuries.
Thank you, dear heart.
Great post. I loved Isabella Blow – she had such a unique fashion vision . . . and the hats!! . . I never really watched SATC, so can’t really comment on the show in particular, but I do agree that, in our society (and, granted, we probably have one of the most liberal societies out there WRT to women’s roles), women are not given the freedom to be whatever they want, whenever they want. There should be no boundaries. Want to be a mom? Cool. Want to date younger guys? Awesome. Want to NOT have babies? Totally acceptable. But, it doesn’t work that way. I often find it amazing to hear men that are incredibly nonjudgmental and liberal about everything else in the world, spout opinions on what kind of decisions women make. Ugh. And the whole “According to Jim” thing? Well, I threw my TV away many, many years ago. Rots the brain.
you are the best…
Argh, Lynette, I need to restructure that mess. Who is the editor here for God’s sake? Someone is falling down on the job. Oh wait, that’s me. Well, I should be fired.
A++++++++++++++++ post. Love it and completely agree with everything you said.
You know who I believe are hardest on women? Other women! I get so sick of hearing the negative vomit that spews from women’s mouths about other women. A woman can’t be pretty or ugly without another woman putting their 2 cent opinion in on it. And, of course this isn’t just limited to looks. I think a tv character and photos of women in magazines can influence you ONLY if you let it.
Ugh I agree with this so much. Snaps to you, for articulating it so well. The same is so true for other mediums as well- when a woman writes about her life, it’s slapped with a pink cover and labeled as dismissive chick lit, but for guys it’s ok, and more often than not, it falls under the heading of literature.
Right on, sistah.
“No one in a free society should have to organize his or her life — or even TV show — around the insecurities of the bigoted.” Words to live by.
When you know exactly what you want and you go for it, there are always going to be haters. Why appease them? Sail on!
Great point about the pink covers, Shelby!
Wendy, I loved this post for so many reasons. First of all, I do remember the Ally Mcbeal syndrome rather well, and I was actually quite shocked that they would make such an issue about it. Secondly, it seems to me that yes, a man can be ugly or wathever, but a woman has to be so much more on many an occasion. Third, I hate shows like according to Jim and everybody loves Raymond, which i feel catalyst women back to the 50s. Fourth, its beyond me why people pick on SPJ for her face, its the way shes born, and isnt this the century were individuality should be celebrated? Finally, I dont think men will ever understand what kind of impact SATC has had on women, single or maried around the world. Its just not in their mind to grasp. Thank you for sharing this, you write very well.
omg this movie was amazing
it makes me wanna be in love with someone =(
love this post n ur blog
Amen, sister friend!
Great post! I watched and loved SATC since the beginning (I was a wee lass of 23 when it first aired). Sure, the show was escapist comedy, but it also was a peaen to strength of deep friendship between women.