Saturday, February 7, 2009
I must thank gorgeous blogger The Perfect Ratio for finding and sharing this wonderful juror qualification questionnaire. “I want a donut now, you fuck!!” is going to be my new personal motto. Click to enlarge I’ve been called for jury duty more than anyone else I know. This irritates me because I’ve done my time. [...]
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Monday, January 26, 2009
Dysphemism (noun): the substitution of a disagreeable, offensive, or disparaging expression for an agreeable or inoffensive one. The antonym of “euphemism.” Example: “Have a good day, bitches!” *Brought to you by Wendy Brandes, dysphemistic since (approximately) 1977.
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Friday, January 23, 2009
Why didn’t you bitches tell me that my 60-year-old, African-American identical twin was on Jimmy Kimmel Live? I would have skipped a Law & Order rerun or ten to check out security guard Veatrice Rice, whom I discovered only after she died of cancer. Someday, I hope to be remembered as Jimmy remembers Veatrice while [...]
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Friday, December 26, 2008
… but it’s even better to win both my categories in the “prestigious” Drysdale Awards for blogging! First, I’d like to thank the little people. So, thank you, Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman! Danny and Rhea Also, thanks to all the blogging and non-blogging bitches who voted for me, albeit under duress. I will treasure [...]
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Monday, December 22, 2008
I’d like to dedicate this craptacular photo of myself — inching into my 41st year in a too-short skirt and red lipstick — to my pink-lipglossed nemesis, How Not to Look Old author Charla Krupp. I’m wearing a vintage Christian Francis Roth jacket for my 41st birthday, which is today.Yeah, I’m old, sluts!Deal with it. [...]
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Tuesday, December 9, 2008
If this doesn’t prove to you beyond a reasonable doubt that I am the only person deserving of the Drysdale Award for Blog With the Most Swears, you are fucked up. Behold! My masterpiece: Swear rings by Wendy Brandes That’s right, bitches! I swear in metal. Vote here. UPDATED TO ADD: I didn’t mean to [...]
Continue reading about Eyes on the Prizes, Part II
Monday, December 8, 2008
My peeps, take a moment to visit Grant Miller Media and vote for me in the Drysdale Awards. What are the Drysdale Awards, you ask? Well, they’re like the Oscars for bloggers, meaning that the winners will accept their awards while wearing sweatpants and t-shirts with week-old tomato-sauce stains on them rather than gowns and [...]
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Friday, September 12, 2008
My friend Christian Francis Roth held the show for his new line, Francis, at noon today. All the big department store buyers were there, taking copious notes. I took one or two runway pictures and decided they were coming out terribly, so I opted to just enjoy the show. Sorry, kids! I’ll pick up some [...]
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Sunday, June 8, 2008
If you are a new reader who is visiting due to my Marie Claire story, you might be wondering what the hell is going on here. If you’re an old reader who joined me at some point since I started this blog last July, you might be wondering the same thing. A second photo from [...]
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