I’m shocked and saddened to read that Simone Battle, an X Factor finalist who went on to become part of the group G.R.L., has died aged only 25. The cause of death hasn’t been officially confirmed but TMZ is claiming it was a suicide by hanging — the same as Alexander McQueen, L’Wren Scott and Robin Williams, all of whom I’ve also regretfully memorialized on this blog.
When I wrote about Williams, I said I disliked it when people totally unrelated to the sufferer called suicide — the worst outcome of the disease of depression — a selfish act. I’ll just repeat what I said then:
“…it seemed the general public had an idea that repeating the “selfish” accusation at every opportunity would somehow make all depressed people ashamed to act on their urges. However, you can’t shame folks out of depression or bipolar disorder any more than you can shame them out of diabetes or cancer.”
If Simone did indeed kill herself not even a month after Robin Williams’s death, I’d say that’s a pretty good indication that the many people who flung around the word “selfish” about him didn’t do anything to deter Simone. So, again, I’ll say:
“Because “selfish” doesn’t help anyone who is suffering but does make the speaker/writer feel superior, using that word about the suicide of a total stranger is literally the definition of selfish. Just don’t do it.”
The five-member group G.R.L. was started as a reboot of the Pussycat Dolls before it evolved into its own identity. I was aware of G.R.L. but took a more personal interest in it after a stylist for Cosmopolitan used my G, R and L letter rings for a shoot with the group that ran in this March’s issue. Member Emmalyn was the one who wore my rings, but the thing that I liked the most on that page was a quote from Simone on her “best love lesson.” She said:
“Don’t look for the perfect man. Just eat the chicken, and spit out the bones.”
Click to enlarge.
So hilarious and true! I still want to embroider that on pillows to give to all my female friends.
Simone Battle — funny, talented and gorgeous, and gone much too soon.
My brother committed suicide 25 years ago and I still think of him every day.
Probably a lot of people who call the act selfish have no real understanding of mental illness, though it is not uncommon. The well don’t understand the sick AT ALL. I expect they don’t feel so much superior as relieved that it isn’t happening in their lives. Maybe they think sick people should cowboy up damnit.
Possibly the worst thing about mental illness is that it _does_ render people totally self-centered. This seems to be true for all the maladies: schizophrenia, depression, bipolar disorder, even personality disorders. Sufferers simply can’t think of others, or anything outside of their painful distorted emotional and cognitive world. They’re cut off and alienated by it. So it isn’t real to them that, say, your sister will grieve until her dying day. I know if he were well that my brother wouldn’t have hurt me like he did. I’ve never been mad at him, because I suffer the illness too and I just understand that he couldn’t take it anymore.
I don’t think there’s much that society can or should do about depression. That’s a personal battle that some people lose. Schizophrenia and the other seriously delusional states are a different matter but no one has the will to incarcerate sufferers in institutions where they can be cared for and medicated. It’s beyond obvious that community and family care are inadequate but I don’t think we’ll have the stomach for locking them up for their own good any time soon.
The well are just glad it’s not happening to them.
The well also like to think that it can’t EVER happen to them, I’d say.
As far as what society can do — definitely agree that not everyone can be saved. Sometimes the illness just doesn’t allow it. But I still meet FAR too many people who think that going to therapy or taking medication is a sign of weakness so they’re not even close to getting any help. People really still believe they have to tough it out somehow, use willpower to fix themselves. People have said to me, “What would my family think?” (I’m always like, why don’t you tell them and find out? Anyone who has done that that I personally know has been amazed by all the support they’ve gotten.) So I’d like to see people more enlightened in that regard. It is an illness, you can get help, there’s no shame in it.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I’m sorry about your terrible loss.
Put me down for one of those pillows! Wise girl for such a young age. Tragic.