Several people have pointed this out to me: On September 19, the Washington Post’s PostEverything section had a rather depressing essay by Sonia Greenfield titled, “Being 40 has totally changed how I feel about how I look.” But even more of a downer than, “In my 40s, it seems like ‘inoffensive’ is what I should shoot for” and “Isn’t it OK to disappear …” is the essay’s URL.
Click to enlarge.
In case you’re over 40 like me and totally can’t read fine print anymore, it says “being-40-means-its-finally-okay-to-be-ugly”! Yikes! I’m past the deadline for giving up on myself. I’m not sure if I should laugh or cry or just take inspiration from Uglydoll toys.
From the Uglydoll homepage. Click to shop!
Actually, I’m going to check out the most recent “Visible Monday” post on Not Dead Yet Style, where people share “any outfit, accessory, piece of jewelry, hairstyle, cosmetic or other adornment that makes you feel more confident, alive and visible that day.” I glad to see that “inoffensive” isn’t on that list!
Shiiiitt man! (said in a Cheech & Chong voice… if you’re over 40 you’ll know what I’m talking about.)
Anyway… I’m a few months shy of 40, and you know how I’ve been freaking out about how I age for ages. And ages. While I have shifted my priorities, like say focusing my neurosis on my house and how much I let my kid watch the iPad than worrying about how I “look” I do not feel like I am less pretty, or less attractive or whatever.
I care less what other people think about my “prettiness.” So probably, she’s right.
Ugh, she sounds so depressed to me! Like she feels unimportant AND invisible.
” Most days I wander around in shapeless shirts, jeans, sneakers, no make-up, ponytail, and glasses” — even her use of “wander around” here is weird to me. She’s probably frantically busy as a mom and a writer, she’s not drifting aimlessly! Own that, girl!
Ugh. Ok, I’ll say it…I turn 50 in 6 weeks. I’m a bit freaked out by this. Saying people are over at 40 is ridiculous and probably just another way of trying to diss women.
Please, let 50 be okay (and I’m still not going to stop wearing miniskirts…).
You’re going to rock 50! As I hope I will in 3 1/4 years. I think giving up is what really makes people feel old. When you start thinking you can’t do this, that and the other thing because of your concept of your age (and not because of some legit health reason) … whether it’s appearance related or anything else … that’s super-depressing.
This is not what women need to be reading about themselves. I’m offended. I can see where they were trying to go with this, “embrace who you are” crap, but the word ‘ugly’ doesn’t need to be there. It’s sending a bad message — perhaps unintentionally, but still…
I wonder if this is one of the URLs that gets automatically generated when you first title the post, then you change your mind and if you’re not careful, the old URL shows. Anyway, the whole thing is kind of miserable regardless of the URL!
The marvelous Emma Thompson, age 55, was asked whether “50 is the new 30.” Her response:
“Can I just say, very loudly, bollocks. If you look after yourself and you’re healthy, then you’ll have the energy to do things. But not to recognise getting older for what it is? I do think the infantilisation of our generation is one of the huge issues of our time. People wanting to be 35 when they’re 50 makes me think: why? Why don’t you be 50 and be good at that? And also embody the kinds of choices that are sustainable at that age.”
http://www.theguardian.com/film/2014/sep/13/emma-thompson-different-patch-life-50s
She’s great.
Oh honestly. I didn’t read her essay, can’t bring myself to. I just know it’s going to make me angry. When I was growing up I knew a couple through my parents, who I realize now were only in their late 40’s, they acted like that was the end of the line. She felt she had to sit around covered up with a blanket and go to bed at 9 p.m. I remember watching an episode of “what not to wear” with a lady who was only 42 that had given up as she said ladies her age were not supposed to stand out or dress nice. That jeans and baggy shirts were good enough for her and what did it matter her hair was a mess? That is just giving up. Thank god I had a Mom and Grandma who just kept going. Dress like Madonna in your 70’s? Grandma didn’t care, she did it. 🙂 And when I get to be 70 I hope I am just as daring.
I want to see pix of your grandma now!
Thanks for the mention! I’m looking at 60, and yeah, I’d love to be 40 (or 50) – but there’s no ugly in my future. xo
Yay!
I look and feel just as awesome at 42 as ever, maybe more so. This lady is sad and depressed, not too old for whatver.
Yep!
Ugly is an attitude, not an age!!
http://www.StyleIsMyPudding.blogspot.com
Yes!
I’m late to this party but will comment anyway because it’s a subject about which I have thought a lot. I’m with Emma–I think it’s sad and also a denial of biological reality to try to pretend you aren’t aging. Everyone on earth knows that part of the physical changes, especially for women, are losing your youthful pulchritude. Why women have suddenly decided to pretend that this clear and obvious fact isn’t so is a peculiarity of our times. No matter how great you look, whether through good genes or modern technology, no one will look at you the way they did when you were 20. It really IS all about fertility even if you never had or wanted kids. There’s nothing empowering about falsehood.
It is hard work to let go gracefully of the rush one gets from all that attention, because what comes after that? What is this next phase of my life going to be all about? As far as surface appearances go, I found I am now not comfortable getting lots of attention. I admire women who can wear very “Visible” clothes (Faux Fuchsia and the Style Crone come to mind, besides Wendy) but I feel like a complete tool when I try it. It doesn’t have that aesthetically harmonious ring of truth. It’s been quite freeing to focus on high-quality clothes that make me feel good and showcase the new DDs that came from 25 pounds of weight creep (formerly A cups–free boob job), and to create one of those trendy capsule wardrobes that streamline the getting dressed process and have set my closet free. I am NOT interested in looking bad but I am interested in being a good-looking and well-dressed middle-aged chick. It is undoubtedly easier to do this in the DFW suburbs than it would be in New York.
I decided not to read the depressed lady’s essay for obvious reasons. She must really be struggling with the whole thing. We all have our own little walk through the valley of the shadow of death. She deserves compassion and maybe a hand in figuring out how she wants to spend the rest of her life.
But I always feel I must speak up for aging gracefully since that’s somehow become unfashionable. I take inspiration from Catherine Deneuve, Ines de la Fressange, and Susan Sarandon. Even Carine Roitfeld has said she let her skirts be a bit longer.
I agree that there’s plenty of options in between trying to be 20 and giving up like the depressed essay-writer!
I can’t say that I know many people in real life who are trying to act like they’re 20 years younger though. I’m never sure who those examples are supposed to be — insane celebrity plastic surgery isn’t something I encounter a lot in reality, so I don’t pay much attention to that. Most people I’m actually acquainted with just want to look good for who they are now. BTW, plenty of the “aging gracefully” celebrity examples often cited have had a few nips and tucks and fillers/Botox to keep themselves looking their best at their age. I know a few specifics about some of them. 😉 Subtlety is a good thing.