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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Is anyone else as entertained as I am by the fashion show being put on by Jill Kelley? Kelley is the 37-year-old woman whose complaint about half-a-dozen anonymous emails set off the FBI investigation that ended the career of CIA director David Petraeus. Besieged by press at her home, in Tampa, Fla., she’s stepping out in bright dresses that make it clear why both military and law-enforcement men turned into heat-seeking missiles around her. Scandal is her catwalk, bitches! WERQ, Jill!

Chris O’Meara/AP via philly.com. Click for source.

Photo by Chris O’Meara/AP via the New York Times. Click for source.

I vote for cobalt blue next.

I’m hoping the dress designer/s will send out the classic press release that all of us send when one of our pieces is in the public eye: “As seen on Jill Kelley.” Come on, designers! You have to go there. Lindsay Lohan’s tight, white Kimberly Ovitz dress sold out when she wore it to plead not guilty to felony grand theft, and this story is so much sexier. Honestly, Lindsay wishes she looked as good as Jill Kelley these days.

It’s been an impressive week for sex scandals: Petraeus; Gen. John Allen, the top American commander in Afghanistan; and Elmo the Muppet have all been dragged into one. The first two are linked, of course. Petraeus had an affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell, that was exposed by the jealous emails she sent to Kelley. Meanwhile, Kelley was exchanging flirty emails with Allen. The Muppet affair is a separate story. Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash, now 52, was accused of having sex with a 16-year-old boy seven years ago. The 23-year-old who made the accusation has since recanted, saying it was an adult and consensual relationship. That’s a relief, because we don’t need anymore of Jerry Sandusky-type awfulness.  Elmo’s true situation is the same as the CIA/military story: sexy times between adults that I really, really wish I didn’t know about. What I do want to know is where are all the people screaming, “This will set men back a hundred years!”? When one woman acts the fool, I often hear that she’s sent all of us women back to the Stone Age, even though I don’t recall ever voting to have her represent me. Here we have three men playing into the obvious fact totally unfair stereotype that dudes create a lot of havoc by thinking with their penises, yet no one is saying that they’re setting back their “cause.” Humph. Seems unfair to me.

Also bothersome? The fact that the FBI has so much time to snoop through online communications that were of no obvious importance (though the consequences of airing that dirty laundry have been dire). Since the G-men have so much time on their hands, I demand that they investigate this blog comment I got yesterday. The way this guy abused commas sets ALL punctuation back a hundred years!

UPDATED NOV. 15, 2012, TO ADD: The identity of Clash’s accuser has been revealed and who better to tell that story than the highlarious Michael K of Dlisted?

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20 Responses to ““As Seen on Jill Kelley””

  1. Aggie says:

    What a week it has been! Men will be men, huh? Btw Elmo is never the same for me now….

  2. Marti says:

    Personally I love color but I would DEFINATELY NOT be wearting color that screams look at me if I were Kelley.

  3. margaret says:

    ‘Sexy times between adults I really wish I did not know about’ is probably the best description of this scenario given.

    As for the clothes, sad fact is the Hiltons/Lohans of the world have set a standard for female perp walks and celebrity by any means necessary.

  4. Marla says:

    The media is just eating this story up.

  5. Ugh, can’t bear the “setting back the cause” stuff. I do so love your cultural perspectives – thanks for writing about this stuff and being hilarious while you’re at it!

  6. stacy says:

    Commas are his bullets Wendy.
    He hurts with words… I mean punctuation rather than sticks and stones.

  7. SarahMac says:

    Yes! All very ewwwww. Yes those the dresses! Not to mention the shoes, partic the pewter numbers in that second pic. Very sex-scandal-glam.

  8. Sister Wolf says:

    Oh god, please let Jill Kelley and Paula whatsername continue to dominate the news and PLEASE bring in Jill’s twin sister!

  9. Melanie says:

    It’s pretty hard to set men back 100 years because that would imply some kind of evolutionary process has occurred… Oops, unfair stereotype. LOL.

  10. Paul Wu would utterly mystify the FBI.