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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

While texting with a lovelorn friend yesterday, I realized that designing jewelry has taught me three things that straight women need to know about bad relationships. I preserved my texts for your amusement/edification. They’re below along with my elaborations.

1. Even precious things are replaceable.

Okay, that was a little bit of textual exaggeration. Not all diamonds/men are replaceable, but a lot are.  Many a woman will wear just one diamond in her entire life — her engagement ring. Other than that, she’ll see diamonds only in other people’s engagement rings or under intimidating glass cases in stores. A diamond is a unique treasure for that woman. But diamonds were completely demystified for me during a diamond-grading class at the Gemological Institute of America, where all 30 students got their own little diamonds to study under microscopes and where we spent significant amounts of time looking for AWOL diamonds in the carpet. Now, on any given day, I might be choosing the best of 10 two-carat stones or ordering 200 tiny diamonds.  No big deal. I prefer not to lose any diamonds, obviously, but if I do lose some, I’ll buy new ones. There are lots of diamonds of above-average quality out there … and even more below-average ones that I wouldn’t touch.

You know what else exists in great quantity? Men. Ladies, why are you acting like a below-average man is the one and only? If you want to settle for a guy who treats you bad — hell, you can find those by the bushel. You don’t need that ONE PARTICULAR bad guy.

Of course, some diamonds ARE irreplaceable. If I had a 5-carat, flawless diamond with D color and excellent cut, I wouldn’t let it out of my sight. If, under a microscope, your man is a human version of a 5-carat, flawless diamond with D color and excellent cut, marry him. I did!

2. One thing that is irreplaceable is time.

When my Empress Wu dragon ring was mislaid last month, I was traumatized.  Even if insurance covered the loss financially, what could possibly make up for the time I’d have to put into creating a new ring? During those months, I’d miss so many opportunities because I wouldn’t have the ring to entice customers or to loan for magazine shoots. It felt like such a waste. (I was overjoyed when a stylist found the original ring in her accessories closet.)

Ladies, don’t miss good opportunities by pouring your time and energy into a man who is not going to be there when you need him!

3. When you stop wasting your time, you will feel better … and may even find something positive in the experience.

During this text conversation, I reflected on my pre-MrB Romeos.

Ladies, if you suspect the relationship isn’t going to work out, end it sooner, rather than later. It needs to be a clean break so you can start healing — no texting, Facebook-stalking, or Chris Brown/Rihanna bullshit. When you feel better, take the priceless lessons you’ve learned to your next relationship.

Caveat lector: I don’t know if these lessons apply to same-sex relationships. And I’m dubious as to whether they apply to men — I haven’t met any guys who have wasted their child-bearing years waiting for one woman to settle down/leave her husband. Feel free to tell me otherwise in the comments.

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20 Responses to “Romantic Advice From a Jewelry Designer”

  1. Poochie
    Twitter: ShoeDaydreams
    says:

    That’s some solid advice right there. Ladies, take heed!

  2. stacy says:

    Good point about time… it’s fleeting!

  3. Make Do Style
    Twitter: MakeDoStyle
    says:

    Great analogy to convey good advice xx

  4. Mary Panjari says:

    Sage advice Wendy. I remember being in my 20s, many moons ago (I know right)and the cavalcade of losers that I put up with. Jesus wept, what a waste of time and energy. I wish I had your wisdom then. Nevermind.

    • WendyB says:

      I wish I had my wisdom in my 20s too. Actually, even worse, I KNEW what I needed to do, I just couldn’t bring myself to act on it. Regrets, I have a few.

  5. Topaz Horizon
    Twitter: FrancesASales
    says:

    I so LOVE this post! Everything you said is true =D

  6. Christine says:

    Great advice! And all of it so very true — and it applies to bad marriages too.

  7. Lara says:

    LOVE this advice. The stuff about time… oh man, if I could get that time back… if I had ended things when my gut was telling me to… those are some of my biggest regrets.

  8. ambika says:

    Advice I wish I’d followed when I was younger. & hilarious to boot.

  9. Alice Olive says:

    Diamonds are too common. Every second person has one. I prefer jewelry that gleams. Simple and gleaming. (Remember my Cleopatra’s are polished, I mean, gleaming, silver!) I can easily apply that to men, too.

  10. Fajr
    Twitter: stylishthought
    says:

    Amen to this! Life is short, so stop wasting it trying to change people or hoping they change! Note to self!

  11. elena daciuk says:

    what a great analogy! and…great advice! =)

  12. Marti says:

    No one else could have said it any better
    Marti

  13. Kristin
    Twitter: BonBonRoseGirls
    says:

    Thank goodness I decided to stop wasting my time and give a nice guy a chance!

  14. K-Line says:

    Perfect advice.

  15. Susan Tiner says:

    Great advice. I would add that you don’t have to marry the man you love until you’re really, really sure it’s going to work out. It took a few trials before I figured that out.

  16. Faux Fuchsia says:

    So true about men. The time I wasted on men who didn’t want me and couldn’t care less!!! I wouldn’t want any of them now. xxx

  17. savvy gal says:

    I couldnt agree with you more. great post.

  18. Elizabeth says:

    I would venture that these are universal truths, cutting across gender lines.

    Everyone should take your advice.