Sunday, July 4, 2010
Happy 4th of July to my U.S. readers! I know I spend way too much time thinking about fashion because Uncle Sam’s outfit reminds me of Viktor & Rolf’s Fall/Winter 2000/2001 collection instead of vice versa.
I also know I spend too much time watching Law & Order reruns because Uncle Sam makes me think of Sam Waterston’s eyebrows. I’m still devastated by the cancellation of Sam Waterston’s show, Law & Order. I keep envisioning the eyebrows standing on the unemployment line. Sad! But Law & Order didn’t air in vain. I’m going to share two important safety tips I’ve learned after years of watching the show.
- If you knock on someone’s door and the unlocked door opens a tiny bit, there’s a dead body on the premises. Run away and call 911.
- If you knock on someone’s door to return a child who slept over at your house/casserole dish/other item, and the woman of the house encourages you to keep the child/dish/other item while making weird hand gestures and looking like a hot mess, there are murderers on the premises. Run away and call 911.
Here’s a bonus tip:
- If you are walking down a dark alley and hear ominous background music, there is a murderer behind you. Blow your “rape whistle,” run away and call 911.
Feel free to leave your own crime-show tips in the comments, and have a fun and murder-free holiday!