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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

If your child asks,  “If drugs are so bad for me, why did you do them when you were a teenager?” I suggest you answer, “Because I wasn’t sure they led to stupid children till now.”

WendyB:  Answering idiotic questions with brutal honesty since forever.

UPDATED: I didn’t include the Rachel Leigh Cook anti-drug ad originally because it’s about heroin. I didn’t want drug-using teenage asshats to see it and think, “Hey, I don’t use heroin. Therefore I’m not an asshat.” I assure you that you don’t have to be a junkie to be an asshat. ANY QUESTIONS?

If I really want to scare people straight, I should put up a video of my almost-husband Paul McCartney doing any interview in the past decade.  After you cringe through one of those, you’ll want to step away from the bong forever. Also … Heather Mills. Would a non-drug user have married her? I think not!

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68 Responses to “When Kids Ask Those Awkward Questions”

  1. My mother scared me to death about drugs (remember the urban legend about drug-laced temporary tatoos?). I never did anything.

    You know, I think it would be totally fun to take a frying pan and trash a kitchen though.

  2. savvygal says:

    Kids ask the most amazing insightful questions sometimes.

  3. Lexie says:

    drugs are so bad!

    you are so funny!

    both of the above statements are 100% accurate, verified by D.A.R.E officers everywhere.

  4. Shaz says:

    “Because I wasn’t sure they led to stupid children till now.”

    hahaha i love the comeback!!

  5. Your almost husband did a fine interview with Chris Farley, though.

  6. Couture Carrie
    Twitter: couturecarrie
    says:

    So funny, WB!

    I am reminded of the teacher on South Park telling the kids: “Drugs are bad, mmmmmmmkay?”

    xoxox,
    CC

  7. Kirafashion says:

    Thats a real difficult question Wendy…I think, when I have children some day, it is going to be hard to handle this kind of thing…however, we only have to hope for the best and be honest with our future children…that´s the best way I think…

  8. Duchesse says:

    Is responding to a kid’s straightforward question with a glib put down such a wise move?

    I’ve answered this by saying, “I thought nothing bad could happen, and it didn’t… to me. Now I think I was incredibly lucky.

  9. WendyB
    Twitter: WendyBrandes
    says:

    Duchesse, this blog is not for you! There’s way too much humor about dumb shit found on Facebook here. I’m afraid we’re going to have to call it “creative differences” and move on … just like a Hollywood studio and a drug-addicted starlet.

  10. Maddy says:

    Love the comeback! and I like Couture Carrie’s suggestion of ending it with “mmmmmkay?” Lol!

  11. Sher says:

    I’ve been blessed with two straight laced kids….they get it from their father ;)

  12. Eric says:

    Show them the cheesy PSA that Susan Dey filmed back in the 70s in which she jumped into the empty swimming pool.

    That made quite an impression on me when I was 4.

  13. Susan says:

    you are so funny XD
    drugs are bad, mkay?
    xoxo

  14. Duchesse says:

    As you wish. And the anti spam word is beyotch.

  15. hanako66 says:

    hahaha (that is seriously my word verification right now)

    oh wendy!

  16. marian says:

    still cant get over this hehehheheh can you do one oh wise Wendy on how to answer those tricky sex (birds and bees)questions? :o)
    big kiss
    xx
    marian

  17. How about its not the drugs that were a problem….just wish I got the memo ’bout birth control!

  18. jentine says:

    I may be super straight laced about this, but one of the reasons I have never partaken in drugs was so that I could tell my kids ‘No, you can’t. I never did. Now eat your 32 grain bread with eggwhites.’

    Ok, seriously, my anti-spam word was fangbang…maybe just me, but that’s funny!