Coco Chanel Was Wrong; Broken English Is Right

Coco Chanel supposedly said, “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory.” I’ve always wondered if she really said this. After all, she promoted wearing gobs of costume-jewelry chains. That doesn’t seem very minimalist to me. Anyway, whether or not she said it, people love to quote these alleged words of wisdom. I am here to tell you that the whole concept is wrong. Dead wrong. That was driven home to me yesterday when gorgeous blogger Prunella Jones alerted me to the fact that the Ossie Clark dress in my last post would have benefited from additional accessorizing. Judging from Prunella’s illustration, I was indeed a fool to leave the house without a magical owl, crazy sunglasses, sparkles and a handgun.

Illustration by Prunella

My one-of-a-kind Francis dress also needed some help. As Prunella pointed out, “Tattoos, bling and a hook hand really take this elegant dress to the next level! Too bad that bitchy little squirrel is trying to upstage you.”

Damn varmint.

Please, people, learn from my mistakes and avoid embarrassing under-accessorizing. If you happen to live in Los Angeles or Santa Monica or some nearby California locale, you’re in luck. All you have to do is visit the fabulous jewelry store called Broken English and gorgeous owner Laura will hook you up. Laura, unfortunately, has no handguns or magical owls for sale, but she makes up for that with plenty of Wendy Brandes jewelry. It just arrived there this week, so it’s nice and fresh. (You can also buy online.) Remember to buy a lot! Do it for Prunella.

UPDATED TO ADD: My one-of-a-kind, magical owl necklace is right here.