On Monday, McDonald’s reported fourth-quarter earnings that beat analysts’ expectations.
I hope you click the link in the first sentence because I put some effort into finding the right earnings story for you. A lot of the headlines on the McDonald’s stories out there just said earnings fell almost 23%. That’s true, but the fact that the earnings were better than expected is vital to the story. A company can have a huge loss but if it’s not as bad as expected, investors are thrilled. I’m committed to bringing you high-quality business-news links.
Ronald McDonald is thrilled.Anyway, I heard the earnings report on the radio and thought, “I really want a McDonald’s milkshake.” McDonald’s ads have never caused me to crave a McDonald’s milkshake. Only the earnings news. Maybe McDonald’s should report earnings more frequently. After a couple of hours of wanting the milkshake, I started wanting a Big Mac too. When I confessed this to the world’s most talented seamstress/vintage-clothing-fixer-upper, Jean of Ghost Tailor (“I remember you,” she said to my ornery Stephen Sprouse skirt), she told me there was a McDonald’s right around the corner.
I couldn’t resist, but I should have. While I was enjoying my Big Mac and chocolate milkshake in a clean and respectable-seeming McDonald’s, a not-so-respectable dude came up to me and tried to sell me pepper spray, which, he informed me, I could use if someone was bothering me. The only person who was bothering me was him, but seeing as I didn’t want to reward his behavior by making a purchase, I just grunted a negative response and tried to will the shake to go up the straw faster. I hate it when slow-moving drinks interfere with quick escapes. Damn you, dairy-ish product! While I was still fighting with the shake and wondering if a Taser-selling guy would come along so that I could use his product on the pepper-spray man, a dude sitting near me offered to sell me some gold chains. He sure was persistent. After I finally succeeded in giving him the brush-off, I heard him trying to buy an illegal substance from a third guy who said, “Nah, man, they have cameras all over here.” Luckily, I hit the end of the shake right at the moment and ran out of there before the questionable activities escalated. I don’t know what would have been next: sex-trafficking?
The moral of this story: Don’t listen to business news. Also, avoid the McDonald’s on 28th and 6th.
Luckily the only weirdos at the McDonald’s by my house are drunks and teenagers. I love their sweet tea, for some reason..oh maybe it’s the dollar tag.
My local McDonald’s is crap
aggghh what an experience! I knew there was a reason I haven’t been there in three years…
Wow, I thougth those guys only lived in Australia.
oh — i only WISH my excursions to my local mcdonalds were that fun. the most interesting that has ever happened to me was sitting in the drive through waiting for my food and having the guy who sweeps ther floor and the guy who makes the drinks feel the urge to tell me hi — which is strange for me since most of them just try to get you in and out quickly with the least amount of talking involved.
Hi there-what a hilarious story, but at least you got your MCDonalds fix. My favourite is a big mac meal with coffee and apple pie for afters. I have this every other week now, shameful, but true!
I ony visit McDonald’s via drive-thru these days. The local Mick D’s areall similar to the one you went to.
I noticed that their ads have targeted a certain audience these days as well. Not saying the two are connected just what I have observed.
But I do so crave a McDonald’s cheeseburger. They are one of my comfort foods.
Ha, I hate that about McDonalds shakes – the uncompromising thickness that slows the whole process down! If you’ve got the time, it’s fine. But still…x
please don’t ask what the Happy Meal toys are doing in the back seat of my car
Business news here is mostly about bauxite mining or steel exports, which is lucky as I very rarely crave bauxite, even when it makes someone lots of money!
As for Macdonalds, that was always going to end badly.
There’s something about women alone in restaurants (I’m including McD’s here) that brings out the gallantry or weirdness in men. When I dine alone I’m often sent a glass of wine, or dessert, from some diner who then never bothers me (thankfully).
But once, in Texas, a man who was dining with his wife and friends made such an annoying fuss that I must join their table, that I had to leave the restaurant. He was probably going to try to sell me something. Ummm . . . himself?
Wow, what a sketchy McDonalds!
Aw WendyB! That sounds hideous!
I’m proud of myself for one thing in life.. and that is during the whole year I spent living in America, I did not go into a McDonalds once! Woo!
Instead of a dysphemism, today we have a euphemism. Milk shake (at MacDonald’s) = edible oil product.
I sure know the craving, though!
For a long time, I wouldn’t even DREAM of eating McDonalds because I only ate pure organic blah blah.
Now I eat that magic at least twice a month on the road and you know what?
It’s fucking delicious and anyone who says otherwise is a liar.
Also, I’m way happier now, not because of McDonalds but maybe because I’m not so uptight anymore.
Thanks for the important McD’s news!
Very funny…nothing like that ever happens in El Paso. There are chiclet vendors when your on the bridge crossing the border…but they aren’t very scary. You can’t even blow bubbles with chiclets!
This is classic Miss Wendy, apologies for laughing, but honestly, it really is funny. Especially the “cameras everywhere” destroying the drug-dealing moment.
And yes, we are crushed the opportunity for matchy-matchy across the miles has passed us by once again. However, that shan’t keep us from continuing the search for the proper apparel-bonding moment. (Oooh, that almost has a salacious sound to it, no?)
BTW, the dysphemism word is still with us, but not as strongly as your appreciation letter from Miss ENC about her stunning ring. Congratulations on such a beautiful creation!
tp
Let’s see that Sprouse skirt!
xoxox,
CC
P.S. I only go to McDs once a year, for a Shamrock shake!
Now when people ask why I hate McDonald’s so much, I can use that story!
You should have bought the spray and sprayed him.
Hate MacDonalds, so I don’t care if they crash and burn!
Also—aren’t pepper sprays illegal now? hmmmm.
You remind me that it’s almost time for one of my most disgusting guilty pleasures…Shamrock Shakes! Thanks for getting me all excited.
LOL!
i hate it when milkshakes do that! Sometimes you’re really thirsty and you just want to slurp it, but it inches so slowly!
“Damn you, dairy-ish product” is my fave quote of the day!
What an ordeal. And all to satisfy an earnings-related craving!
Sometimes Miss J wishes she hads moved to NY to give her acting a try. Then she reads a story like this. This would have NEVER happened in LA because WendyB would have opted for drive-thru.
LOL what a parade of seediness you had to endure.
i have a smile on my face because your story was so funny. i know how you feel. whenever i get cravings for mcdonald’s they are serious and i must fulfill them or i’ll explode. and if they are not fulfilled i become so grouchy. most of the time they’re not fulfilled because i realize McDs isn’t that good for me, even though i love it.
creepy guys trying to sell stuff are EVERYWHERE. especially in chicago. grosss.
glad to know you wear red everyday! that’s bold.
I’ve been in McDonald’s in New York three times, and ALL THREE TIMES, something really weird happened right near me. I should blog about it.
(my word verification was “scurg”. As in “weird pepper spray vendors are the scurg of the 26th St. McDonald’s.” I crack myself up.)
DRIVE-THRU. That’s what I do, anyway, not that I can anymore with my training.
The last time I was in a McDonald’s… I was in China, and some old French guy thought I was a prostitute because I was wearing this bizarre corset top thing and jeans.
That pepper spray story really made me laugh!
Business always makes me crave sweets…
that’s such a funny story! a big mac and entertainment! it’s funny how some places do seem to attract the same kind of people…
That is one of the funniest stories ever. But I can’t believe you didn’t get the FRIES!!! Vanilla milk-ish shake and very salty fries…yum.
haha, trying to score at a mcdonald’s! But their soft serve is excellent.
LOL, Wendy!
I’ve been
a) hit on by an Italian dude (who sent me a rose) at a McD’s in Italy;
and
b) approached by some guy who said that I had a great voice and should use him as my agent at McD’s.
Miss C is right about it bringing out weird behavior from men.
I’m still bummed that they got rid of the fried apple pies. I absolutely adored those pieces of fried lard. When I was in London in the mid-90s, they still had them, and I relished one everytime I passed by. These healthy versions just don’t cut it.
hahahah this is absolutely hilarious! I love you, Ms. B!
Those Micky D shakes are the work of the devil. Evil, yet so strangely tempting.
What an extraordinary experience you had. I wonder if the drop in McDonald’s earnings is due (at least in part) to the fact that two-bit hustlers swarm the “dining rooms” of the “restaurants?”
Oh dear Lord, innocently reading your blog and there’s that menacing Ronald Mcdonald…he gives me the heeby jeebies! I have to admit, I’m partial to a bit of Mcdonalds, had two for lunch this week. On two separate days I must add!
mcdonalds is my crack.
Oh Wendy, I hadn’t eaten McDonalds for 6 years until a few months ago but due to the credit crunch I find I’m convincing myself it’s ‘not that bad’ as an occasional cheap lunch (Quarterpounder/fries/Coke) on an alarmingly frequent basis. And now after this story… I’m really badly craving a McDonalds milkshake. Is that wrong?