I took guitar lessons for eight years. I didn’t become proficient because I never practiced. I would get out my candy-apple red Fender Strat exactly once a week when I trudged the ten blocks to see Ed, my good-natured guitar teacher. I kept this up until I left the corporate world and started working for myself, at which point I fell prey to the time-warping qualities of the unstructured life, wherein the more time you have, the less you manage to do with it. Never did learn French either.
Anyway, I often consider going back to lessons with Ed. During these considerations, I also think about British comedian/actor/musician Dudley Moore. Dudley first came to prominence as a writer and performer of the 1960s theatrical comedy revue Beyond the Fringe, which played London’s West End and then Broadway. In 1965, he and a fellow Fringe participant, Peter Cook, moved to television, with a comedy sketch show called Not Only…But Also, which aired on the BBC (pre-Monty Python, mind you). The show was so big that John Lennon made a guest appearance in 1966.
But despite all this success, Dudley was best known for becoming an unlikely Hollywood star with the 1979 movie 10, which also popularized cornrows, Bo Derek and doing it to Ravel’s Bolero.
In 1981, Dudley had another smash, starring as a rich, alcoholic playboy falling for a blue-collar Liza Minnelli in Arthur.
Sir John Gielgud won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for playing Arthur’s proper British butler, Hobson.
Hobson: I’ll alert the media.
Dudley was never as hot again as he was in those years, despite doing Arthur 2 in 1988. Standing just a touch over 5’2″, he became better known for being “Cuddly Dudley” and “The Sex Thimble,” always romantically attached to a beautiful, much taller woman. By 1996, his career was declining. He seemed to the world to have become Arthur — drunkenly slurring his speech, losing his balance, forgetting his lines. In actuality, he had a degenerative brain disease called progressive supranuclear palsy, from which he suffered terribly until it finally killed him in 2002.
My favorite Dudley work isn’t any of those I listed above. I prefer the intensely obscene and rambling Derek and Clive comedy albums he and Peter Cook did in the ’70s. I only discovered these after Ed, the guitar teacher, thought I had called him a “wanker” when I had, in fact, called him a “winker.” (Oh, come on! You should have known I was going to get back to Ed eventually. Have a little faith.) This reminded him of the Derek and Clive “Having a Wank” recording, which he eventually located on tape and brought in for one of our lessons. We spent the entire hour listening to the tape and screaming with laughter. I ended up lying on the floor because I became too weak from hysterics to sit up. It was the best lesson we ever had.
Here is the audio of “Having a Wank.” Dudley, as Derek, starts off with a story about masturbating with a greased toilet roll and an electric train set. You can later hear him laughing while Peter Cook, as Clive, describes his wanking scenarios. My favorite part is Clive explaining to his spunk-haired wife Audrey that, “There are 14 members of the Russian secret police positioned around the room, disguised as wallpaper, with guns pointing at my head. And they have ordered me to finger my private parts continuously for the next hour otherwise they’ll shoot me.”
In 1979, Dudley and Peter filmed their Derek and Clive recording sessions. This is from Derek and Clive Get the Horn. Watch Dudley crack up as Peter describes how the dead Pope gives him the horn.
Did you check out Peter’s tinted glasses? I swear, those glasses give me the horn! They do! I’m not ashamed. Seventies-style glasses on a dude are hot. In that clip, Peter Cook reminds me of comic-turned-actor Richard Belzer when he was young. Young Richard Belzer totally gives me the horn.
Young Richard Belzer is on the right.Image source is here.
In fact, old Richard Belzer gives me the horn. I know this is a shocking statement, but it takes all kinds to make the world go ’round.
Old Richard Belzer is on Law & Order SVU.I’d love to keep going with this post, but there are 14 members of the Russian secret police positioned around the room, disguised as wallpaper, and they want to talk to me about Richard Belzer until MrB walks in. Gotta go.
I love this stream of consciousness. Where to begin? Dudley more is excellent. Didn’t know about his terrible demise. Very sad. Will watch the wanking video shortly (you know what I mean…)
Oh, and Richard Belzer flips your switch? Very intriguing. Can’t say the same for me. But I think House is cute. Generally, I’m getting into the younger boys these days 🙂
I feel like I’m too young to comment on this. I didn’t watch the videos, so tell me, am I?
KD, you may watch the Arthur videos freely, and you may watch the horn video with adult supervision. However, you are banned from the wank video.
hahaha the horn will be a great addition to my vocabulary, wonderful post!
OK, so I’m sitting here, choking back laughter at your post and stopping my finger from clicking on the links ’cause Mama is sitting across the room from me, in her recliner with Duncan and her crossword puzzle book. So, I’ll have to remember to come back later on or early in the morning–I always wake up before she does–to see if any Russian KGB have taken up residence in our apartment. Plus, OMG, I have LOVED me some Richard Belzer, for 30 years plus.
WendyB, you’re suchahoot! Before I forget, Duncan certainly makes his contributions to yellow snow!
My dad would kill you for your guitar – so if you see a man with a moustache and '70s afro call Old Belzer to protect you ok? Because that's my dad (and he's not in disguise either, he actually looks like that).
Also, Dudley Moore was an awesome man, I loved his narration work in Milo & Otis.
Yeah I say good ol’ Richard Belzer is rather sexy. I’ll say the same thing about Hugh Laurie, Jeremy Irons and Richard Dean Anderson.. I like guys in their late 40s and 50s.. hehe. Hang on I think Jeremie Irons is in his 60s now!!
I love Dudley as well! Thanks for the walk down memory lane.
Oh this post is so hilarious. Wasn’t there a really famous, cheesy song from Arthur? I really loved that song. I might go find it on the inna-netz.
Hi there-totally hilarious post, Dudley and Peter were an awesome duo alright!
hahah wow FANTASTIC POST!
Wendy, you are such a legend. You’d be the ultimate guitar hero if you learned again x
they’re funny
Girls can't get the horn!
But for Richard Belzer in L&OSVU? I'd try.
As K. said above, this is a great stream-of-consciousness post. Best ever, in fact.
Very funny – I bunked off school in the sixth form to listen to Derek & Clive at a friends. It was so naughty and funny at the same time. All I can remember is crying and not being able to breath over the horse race ..agh your post takes years off me!!
This is sooo weird…I’m reading Wacky Chics by Simon Doonan. Just yesterday, I looked up Derek and Clives “You calling me a Fucking Cunt, You Fucking Cunt?!”…I almost put it on my blog! Is that not bizarre?
If you get caught between the moon and New York ciiii-ty/ the best that you can do/ the best that you can do/ is ha-ave a wank!
Madam, you are insane. I kinda like it.
i never knew that guitar was such an expensive hobby god that is an expensive guitar
Dudley Moore was awesome. I love the Arthut movies and there was this one with Nasstasja Kinski that I loved too, but I can´t remember the name
Am I the only one who gets the Dudley Moore vibe from Chuck Bass in Gossip Girl? Think it’s the eyebrows, though Dudley Moore is infinately more convincing with them.
Awesome guitar. Love this post…and yes my blowfish boots are much nicer than the ones you came across! Eek!
What an incredible post! Funny and interesting at the same time.
Can’t stop listening at it!
hilarious my dear! love that you used to learn the guitar.thats so cool my dear! you should go back to it my dear.i took piano lessons but never took it seriously either and wish i had!
muah x
Marian
This entire post gave me the horn! I get a lot of migraines but too bad I don’t have a knob to stick in the toilet roll to get rid of it.
Now, someone mentioned the Arthur song. It was Christopher Cross’ “Best That You Can Do (Arthur’s Theme).” I actually had a fanvid of it on YouTube but they removed it because of copyright issues with the song. So now all that remains is the footage and no music. Meanwhile the song is featured in other videos that are still up. Go figure.
Loved your post!
-Lisa
http://dudleymoore.org
Jill, I’ve been listening to that one constantly. I might use it in my follow-up post.
Dressed and Pressed, I think they need to remake the song with your lyrics.
I always wondered why the hell Dudley Moore was famous, since he wasn’t good looking or funny in his movies.
Nice to know that like Richard Pryor, he was very funny when not in movies.
i could see the belzer thing. i have a thing for skinny white guys with graying hair too…
“_____ gives me the horn” is gonna be my new 2009 catch phrase. danke. you teach me everything good and right in the world. kiss.
I can quote EVERY WORD from all three of the Derek and Clive records!
If only I’d known you were coming to L.A.!!!!
This is equal parts amazing and hilarious! I’ve heard of Dudley Moore, but never about this!
Thank you Thank you for a much needed laugh!!
I don’t know you IRL, but I think I love you.