Wendy Brandes Jewelry Blog

Never Is the Next New Thing

Google Loves Wendy Brandes

by

I think Google likes me better since I shared the 2001 riding crop photo. Maybe Google wants me to make this my profile picture.

Wendy Brandes will dazzle you with her shiny teefs and then beat you with her crop.

Seriously, Google, why do we have such a difficult relationship? Right now, if you Google my name, this blog is fourth on the list of results, but I don’t want to get too excited. For a long time, when I Googled “meerkat jewelry,” this blog was the third result, but when I Googled “Wendy Brandes,” this blog was on the 20th results page every other Tuesday. The rest of the time it was on the 21st page. Considering I started this blog to promote my business, this wasn’t satisfactory. I’ve done a better job promoting Coco’s ass.

But really, I shouldn’t complain. You know who should be upset? The other Wendy Brandes. Yes, there is another Wendy Brandes and she lives in New York City. We’ve known about each other since 1987 but we’ve never met in person because if we did the universe would implode and/or the Kansas City Royals would win the pennant. The other Wendy Brandes is a brilliant attorney who seems to have done things to improve the lives of poor children and people who are without health insurance. I say “seems,” because whenever I try to Google the other Wendy Brandes, all I find is a whole lot of shizz about fish feet and a picture of me carrying a whip. I’m sorry, other Wendy Brandes!

If it’s any consolation, other Wendy Brandes, sometimes I think it’s better to toil in obscurity. If you get too famous, one day you put on a dress that doesn’t fit exactly right due to no fault of your own, and everyone teases you for going out with what appears to be an armgina.

ARMGINA!

I’m sorry, beautiful actress Katherine Heigl! I would never have mentioned this because you are gorgeous from head to toe, including your armpits, but I was worried I would never have another reason to say the word “armgina” if I didn’t take this opportunity. Let’s discuss this over a jewelry-shopping session!

UPDATED TO ADD: Oh!My!God! My blog has moved up one place in rankings, actually passing the who-knew-it-would-be-the-most-important-fact-about-me-ever wedding announcement! I need to revel in this while it lasts.

UPDATED AGAIN TO ADD: I’ve disappeared again. I need a bigger whip, I guess.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. i love your sense of humor. and your relationship with google, of course. hey, whatever works with a whip, right? 🙂

  3. armgina? i never knew i could learn new words from your blog.

    btw, i just given you the thinking blogger award. i know, i know… you’ve received it but at least you don’t have to tag other bloggers again since you’ve done it? :p

    oh and another thing, i’ve changed my blog name to “i need more drama”. could you update your blogroll when you have a chance? thanks! 🙂

  5. I must admit, when I tried to Google your blog, I got confused as well… I managed to get so confused, I thought I was spelling ‘Brandes’ incorrectly…. now that is seriously disturbing…

  7. Katherine looks a little startled by having her armgina caught on film. Do you have a word for the chub that appears over the top of strapless bridesmaid dresses?

  8. Oh shiz, wendy I’ve got the same prob. Kinky people with foot fetish always end up in my blog because of my post about men in heels. I always get trannies and cross dressers visiting my site! Not that I am complaining—a hit is still a hit so bring it on my beautiful trans-sistahs!

    You know what? aside from being a fabulous girl that you are, you could be a comedienne too! Armgina??? lol, lol, lol!

    besos my love and hope you could add me to your blogroll too.

    Besos!

  9. i like your writing style! and oh, you’re right that it’s an advantage of NOT being famous, being able to go out looking shaggy (or with “armgina” – hilarious!) without having everyone photographing you!

  11. Katherine Heigl, apart from the exploding armpits, looks like someone made up and propped up her corpse. AAAARGH!

    So way to up your traffic, girl. Riding crops indeed. Coupled with the latex-like leggings the other day you’re a porno googler’s dream!

  12. Katherine Heigl, apart from the exploding armpits, looks like someone made up and propped up her corpse. AAAARGH!

    So way to up your traffic, girl. Riding crops indeed. Coupled with the latex-like leggings the other day you’re a porno googler’s dream!

  13. Katherine Heigl, apart from the exploding armpits, looks like someone made up and propped up her corpse. AAAARGH!

    So way to up your traffic, girl. Riding crops indeed. Coupled with the latex-like leggings the other day you’re a porno googler’s dream!

  14. Sid, well, I can only comment based on my personal experience but…yes.
    KTC, it’s always good to compliment me when I’m carrying the whip. Keep up the good work.
    Evie, yes ma’am, I will change you right now.
    Londyn, God forbid I should be hit by a bus, please make sure the New York Times uses that picture with my obit.
    Susie, it really has been driving me crazy. How does a friend’s defunct blog with one reference to me stay in the top five while my own blog is a few hundred places down usually?
    AO, Thanks, feel free to spread it around.
    C&C Music Factory, everyone knows that is “blub.”
    Miss J, I often bemoan the fact that more ladyboys don’t visit my blog because the one word I like better than armgina is ladyboys.
    Cate, seriously, I like to think there’s an invisible zone where I can go out and no one sees me at all. I keep extending the zone lately.
    MVL 😉
    Guv, lately I have been feeling a little sorry for the 25 people per day who click on my latex leggings photo only to wind up on my jewelry site. Poor pervs.

  15. I have similiar problem with google searches too, my search rank changes everyday. Annyoying.

    On the plus side, how could google NOT love the picture of you with the whip, its hot!

  17. What a sassy pic!

    For awhile I was the number one result when people googled anal bleaching and I’m very proud of that.

  18. Ms. Wendy, you’ve been tagged, mostly because I can’t think of anyone who would have so much delightful randomness to talk about.

  22. Sexeh mama!!!!!!!!! You are so gorgeous!!! And btw, me wants that Prada croc bag. Divine!

  23. Google hates me. Maybe i need to ‘whip’ it. Maybe it likes that sorta thing. Yes? No? Maybe?

  24. Perhaps you can discuss that Tahitian black pearl necklace she has on! I couldn’t take my eyes off that.

    I think if it takes a riding crop and nice white teeth (and red lips) to get noticed by Google, then that’s what you’re going to have to provide.

    And you might as well give up trying to gain the notoriety level Coco has, because you just cain’t!

  25. Armgina! That’s just WRONG! Okay, I love it, but it’s still wrong 😛 ♥ you, silly-Wendy ♥♥♥

  27. Miss Woo, I don’t believe there’s any rhyme or reason to it.
    Prunella, you are my hero!
    Losing It,okey doke!
    Bianca, you are linked.
    IYF, I really wasn’t going to say anything because it’s the dress’s fault and I don’t like to be critical, but I just couldn’t hold back any longer.
    Katelin, it’s a new adventure every day!
    Val, maybe we can buy it together and split custody.
    This Lady and ENC: Obviously Google is a little into S&M.
    GG and Smaggle: Who can resist the hypnotic power of the armgina? Who, I ask?

  28. what is up with you and google? you should dominatrix it’s ass!

    also, thanks for the new word, now i’m going to spend the rest of the week adding “gina” to the end of everything i encounter.

    my friend that dressed as britney for halloween shaved his head and wore a “mangina” under his skirt.

  33. Hi Wendy!
    It is so nice to meet you! I love your blog, writing style and sense of humor. I am so glad I found you through moira’s blog. 🙂
    Melissa