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Monday, December 3, 2007

My friend Jane suggested that since I successfully brought butt bows back, I should now tackle boob bows. Apparently, Anne Hathaway had a tough time with the boob bow sitch earlier this year.

Jane has a now-dormant blog called Boycott the Bag. It had many smart and funny ideas in it, but let’s face it. I was in it for the bondage. You see, Jane has a Gucci bag that has been tied up, cooked, spiked with a high heel, threatened with a toilet flushing and sat upon. Purses and sadism? Sign me up! I contributed a photo of a Gucci being used as a dog bed.

I remain very amused by Jane and her blog. I am not as amused by the fact that if you Google my name, the Gucci dog bed post is always in the top 10, if not the top five, results. I don’t mind sharing my perverted purse behavior with the world but I find this ranking very peculiar. It solidifies my conviction that Google’s “algorithm” is about as real as “Al Gore rhythm.” I’d believe that the Loch Ness monster is stank before I’d believe that Google has a system for rank. Face it, people! The system is that Amazon, the New York Times and CNN buy the top rankings and everyone else is scattered in there willy-nilly. Instead of working on their algorithm, the Google peeps spend all their time online searching for negative blog posts about their evil empire. Then they delete the blogs. You may never see me again! Goodbye, cruel world! Seriously, people, if I go missing, this man is the prime suspect!

P.S. The dog in the Gucci photo is a Pekingese. Yes, that is a CHINESE DOG! CHINESE DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHINESE! DOG! (Bear with me. Peeps searching for Chinese dogs love to visit this blog. I want to make it worthwhile for them.) chinese dog chinese dog chinese dog chinese dog chinese dog chinese dog. #1 Chinese dog blog right here, people! Step right up to see the Chinese dogs!

Did you accidentally Google “Chinese dogs” when you really meant to Google “free vulva perfume”? Don’t fret! Just click here.

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27 Responses to “Boob Bowz? LOLZ!”

  1. The Clothes Horse says:

    Purse bondage?! Oh no, how inhumane.
    Oh, and maybe next time I will try to fit into the bag…

  2. lady jicky says:

    Hi Wendy, I often see you over at Riveria Dogs . I love your peke!
    My Lulu lived for 17 years and they are the most dignified of all dogs and a delight to own. They sleep any where they like , be it on a $$$ handbag or a old mat. They have a mind of their own – and I like that !

  3. Suzanna Mars says:

    WB, I had an interview with a firm that specialized in killing those bad blogs. The methodology was “proprietary, I was told, and then they told too much, and now I wonder if they are going to hunt me down and make me vanish…

    My dogs pee on my purses. This is why I am always ready to abandon ship and go out with a lipstick and a dime stuck in the pocket of my jeans.

  4. BottleBlonde says:

    I am cackling like a Chinese dog at this post! Fucking hilarious!

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE Penkingeses. My parents have one (his name is Picasso), and he’s THE BEST and sweetest dog ever.

  5. BottleBlonde says:

    P.S. You ooze style.

    That’s a compliment.

  6. WendyB says:

    Bottleblonde: At least I’m not oozing free vulva perfume. OR AM I??????? FVP, as I will call it, is now one of my favorite search terms. The only thing that could make that better is if people started searching for “teh FVP.”
    About CHINESE DOGS…I must admit that I violated the rules and did not let a sleeping dog lie. Why should I? Honesty is the best policy, even if you’re sleeping. But, in addition to forcing my CHINESE DOG to be truthful, I also picked up his head, put a bag under it, and put his head back down on the bag. This was the only “sleeping” photo I got, after a bunch of photos of him with his head up, looking very annoyed.

  7. WendyB says:

    P.S. to Lady Jicky, I love that blog. It needs more CHINESE DOGS though.

  8. Londyn says:

    What a cutie! I’ve always loved Penkingeses.

    I also love the orange dress featured :)

  9. Perfect Ratio says:

    Hilar– Thanks for the link!

    Also your post on the Kelly Valen Modern Love column is so gold.

  10. Jane says:

    Wendy – if anyone can make boob bowz popular, it’s you. Thankfully, you’re much too chic (and merciful) to do such a thing. BTW – my Gucci bag is still cowering in the back of the closet. Unfortunately, thinking about the power and pervasiveness of Google, just makes me want to join the bag.

  11. Practically Perfect In Every Way says:

    are you drinking and blogging?

    oh well it doesn’t matter, your pretty, as you were.

  12. WendyB says:

    Do I sound drunker than usual? Oh noes! I’ll have to take the “functional” part of “functional alcoholic” off my resume and business cards. Damn you, Jagermeister! Damn you and your umlaut that I can’t replicate here!

  13. Suze says:

    Damn it Wendy, I came here looking for Chinese Dog Perfume. Also, according to recent news, you better check the dog for lead.

    The boob bow works well on you. I’m trying to perfect the double-chin bow before I post pictures :)

  14. riz says:

    I kind of liked that Anne Hathaway dress from the right angle…and I wish had such a haute pillow!

  15. shell says:

    wendy, to totally crack me up! thanks for the laugh. and i heart your dog!!

  16. Katie Rosemary says:

    haha this has cheered me up immensely! great blog my dear
    huzzah for the chinese dogs!

  17. The Guv'ner says:

    So, seriously where DO those Pekinese come from? You’d think they’d at least give a clue in the name, right?

  18. The Guv'ner says:

    So, seriously where DO those Pekinese come from? You’d think they’d at least give a clue in the name, right?

  19. The Guv'ner says:

    So, seriously where DO those Pekinese come from? You’d think they’d at least give a clue in the name, right?

  20. pistols at dawn says:

    I spent a good month as google’s number one option for “giving your wife herpes.”

    That was about the same time I decided to stop checking what brought people to my site.

  21. In Yr Fshn says:

    Umlauts are undoable on comments?

    Cute doggy!

  22. WendyB says:

    Good God, Suze! You are right. This CHINESE DOG could be poisonous! I’m spitting him out immediately!

  23. Lynn says:

    Haha, I like the lolcatz style pictures. And the dog is really cute. :]

  24. Poshpalette says:

    so adorable!
    what is he? a pekinese?

  25. Candid Cool says:

    a friend of mine as a black chinese dog (too lazy to go back & see how the proper name is spelt) they’re so cute.

    hilarious post!

  26. Shaz says:

    hahahaha wendy you sound very high in this blog post, but that is one gorgeous gucci bag i might add :)